我出生的時候，我有一千條腿 When I was born, I had 1,000 legs
很快我在不同舞台跳舞 Soon I'll be dancing on a different stage
我要在絲繭裡睡覺 I'll go to sleep inside a silk cocoon
在下午重新誕生 And be reborn into the afternoon
唱的好，真他媽的好 Good singing! Really good shit!
- 你不可以罵髒話 – 我們現在在演戲 You're not supposed to curse. We're doing a play!
我只是說他媽的好而已 I'm just saying it's good shit.
內心深處，我知道我要走向另一個階段 Deep down, I know I have to turn the page
但是我懷疑 But I wonder
我會不會失去我的腿？ Will I miss my legs?
我從來沒有這麼驕傲過 I have never ever been so proud.
甜心，馬帝出場了，喔，看看他 Honey, there's Matty. Oh! Look at him.
喔，他真是個天生的演員 Oh, he's a natural performer.
喔 Oh.
該死 Shit!
我不想再唱了 I don't want to sing anymore.
看我的 Watch this.
好像不太對 That's different.
不，不，不 No, no, no.
來吧，來吧！我們離開這裡！ Come on, come on! Let's get out of here!
再見，狗娘養的 Later, motherfuckers!
我會剪掉這部分，但是我還是很驕傲 We'll edit that out. Still proud.
呼 Whoo!
我就不能看個正常的音樂劇 Can't I just go see a nice musical
沒有什麼同性戀劇情的嗎？ without it turning into something gay?
一人字幕組出品，全世界唯一的正體中文字幕組
翻譯：一人 校對：一人
我的出櫃好友
嘿，今晚不要做什麼違法的是或是沒有做好防護，好嗎？ Hey, nothing illegal or unprotected tonight. Promise?
爸，你說起來很噁心 Dad, that's gross.
我說的就是作愛 I'm talking about sex.
戴好套子，確保你把保險套戴在你的陰莖上 Wrap that rascal. Make sure you put a condom on your penis.
爸 Dad.
- 好囉，再見，，爸 – 嗚∼ All right, bye, Dad. Whoo!
你穿的上衣可真帥氣 That is a damn fine shirt you got on.
你喜歡嗎？ You like it?
你穿上那件上衣可能會讓某個女孩懷孕 You might go get a girl pregnant with a shirt like that on.
我通常會先脫上衣，但你知道… I usually take my shirt off first, but, you know...
嗯，如果你遇到不錯的女孩，讓她們玩的快樂一點 Well, if you meet some nice girls, party them hard.
我會的，再見 I will. See you.
好吧，小子，去吧 All right, kiddo. Go get 'em.
- 呦 – 呦，呦，呦！ Yo! Yo, yo, yo!
噹，叮，叮，噹叮，噹叮，噹叮 Dang diggy ding D-dang D-dang dang diggy
噹，叮，叮，噹叮，噹叮，噹叮 Dang diggy diggy dang dang
噹，叮，叮，噹叮，噹叮，噹叮，噹，叮，叮，噹叮，噹叮，噹叮 Dang diggy ding D-dang D-dang dang diggy Dang diggy diggy dang dang
噹，叮，叮，噹叮，噹叮，噹叮 Dang diggy diggy d-dang Dang diggy diggy d-dang
看我唱，那些B-boy最好晃著他們的金牙 Watch me doing my thing The b-boy better bring with the gold tooth swing
我很奇怪，但我不瘋狂，我是瓦斯桶裡的瓦斯，我會讓你爆頭 I'm strange, but I ain't insane, I'm propane in a can Man, I'll blow your brain
我用我的火焰燃燒全場 I'll burn the whole gang with my flame
唱到最後我會讓你知道名字 And by the end of the song you'll know the names
就看我搖擺，順著我的節奏搖晃，我要高潮 Just watch me swag And swang and hang, orangutan By my beat Imma bangarang
喔，讓音樂繼續響，讓音樂繼續保持這種風格 Ooh! I keep it fresh, the jet the style that I possess, blessed,
不要破壞接下來的節奏 Don't mess with all the rest
我要讓它高潮，我搖滾，我製造，我說唱 I got the gift to gab, I rock, I ball, I rap
我要從後面發射 I'm shoutin' out from front to back
你最好移動你的腳送給我 You got to move your feet And prove to me
你參與節奏表示你也是怪胎 You got the beat Reveal your inner freak
我們在附近耍寶我們一起被抓 We clown around We're countin' pounds
你最好搖起來蹬地到處跳 You got to shake and stomp the ground and bounce around
耶 Yeah!
噹，叮，叮，噹叮，噹叮，噹，叮，叮，噹叮，噹叮 Dang diggy ding D-dang D-dang dang diggy Dang diggy diggy dang dang
噹，叮，叮，噹叮，噹叮 Dang diggy diggy d-dang
奶昔不是用來沾醬，老兄 A shake isn't a sauce, man.
不，你看，只要你把東西放進去 No, see, anything can be a sauce
任何東西都可以拿來沾醬 if you put it on something else.
你只要心胸開闊一點 Open up your mind.
看，我們應該跟那種女孩子一起玩 See, those are the kinds of girls we need to be going out with.
你要跟那個女孩說什麼？ What would you say to that girl right there
如果她走過來的話 if she came up to you right now?
嗨，你好 Hi. Hello.
你看起來很棒，很聰明 You're terrific, appearance-wise,
我要帶你出去 and I would like to take you out
吃東西或喝飲料 for a food or beverage situation.
該死，還挺不錯的 Damn, that's smooth.
你最近有在練習把妹嗎？ Have you been working on your game?
- 很明顯 - 顯而易見 Obviously. It's apparent.
我跟艾娃交往了八個月 I've been going out with Ava eight months,
我現在感覺沒有比我們交往之前 and I feel like more of a virgin now
還更像處男 than I did before we started dating if that's possible.
沒錯，你看起來就像超級處男 It is. You're like a super-virgin.
你讓其他處男看起來都像身經百戰 You make other virgins look like huge sluts.
你也是，所以我們一定要改善，老兄，我們是男人 And so do you. And we need to fix that. Dude, we are due.
我們值得大人式，成熟，成人般的性愛關係 We deserve adult, mature, grown-up sexual relationships.
沒錯 Yes.
你拿到什麼玩具？ What toy did you get?
我拿到雪莉螃蟹 I got Shelley the Crab.
我拿到可以互打的小機器人 I got the Punchin' Crunchin' Robot dudes.
- 喔，不 – 打倒他 Oh, no! Take him out.
打他左邊，打倒他，打倒他 Hit him with the left. Knock him out. Knock him out!
蹦，蹦，蹦，蹦 Boom, boom, boom, boom!
- 小姐你們好 – 死阿宅 - Ladies. - Dorks.
你好壞喔 You're such a bitch.
我非常喜歡你 I like you a lot.
尤其是你的身材，你的火辣身材 Especially your body and the hotness of that body.
你的個性很好，就像是當媽媽的人 You're a class act. Potential wife material.
如果我們45歲而且完全不想幹嘛的話 If we were 45 years old and all dried up and shit.
不過這就是問題所在 And that's the problem.
這段關係還不夠快 This relationship's not progressing quickly enough,
我是以生理上來說 physically-speaking.
看看你，然後看看我 Look at you, and then look at me.
你這麼漂亮，而我有點糟 You're beautiful, and I'm just kind of a mess.
你現在是因為我不肯跟你做愛所以要跟我分手嗎？ Are you breaking up with me because I won't have sex with you?
你可以稱作作愛，但是我把它稱作是肢體動作的結合 You call it sex. I call it a physical expression of our bond.
我有六天沒洗澡 I haven't showered in six days.
就像是印地安人歃血為盟 Like Indians becoming blood brothers,
或是足球員一起刺青 or football teammates getting matching tattoos.
除了作愛沒有像刺青一樣持久 Except sex isn't even as permanent as a tattoo.
大概是九分鐘，最多 It's nine minutes, tops.
進去出來就像是神偷出入 In and out like a cat burglar.
只是… It's just...
這就是你對我的看法？ 一個你可以進出的洞？ That's what I am to you? A hole for you to go in and out of?
不，不，不 No, no, no.
我值得那個洞以外的人 I value the person built around that hole.
我真的很抱歉 I'm really sorry.
好吧，我知道了 Okay. I get it.
你沒事嗎？好嗎？ Are we okay? Yeah?
可以給我個擁抱嗎？ Can I get a little hug going on here?
你真的是個大渾球，你知道嗎？ You can be a real asshole, you know that?
我可以讓任何人幹我 I could get any fucking guy I want!
我比你辣多了，你他媽的知道我有多辣嗎？ I'm so much hotter than you! Do you even fucking realize how hot I am?
不要丟軟糖熊 Not the gummy bears.
你要不要出去冷靜一下？ Why don't you just go outside and chill out for a sec?
幹你老母，馬帝，你們兩個為什麼不要替對方口交？ Fuck you, Matty. Why don't you guys fucking blow each other?
反正這也是你們最多能做的事 It's the most action you're ever gonna get anyway.
你的分手如何？ How was your breakup?
我真不敢相信我們在她們身上浪費這麼多時間 I can't believe we wasted so much time with those two.
高中的性愛大門正在急速地關上 The high school chapter of our sexual lives is rapidly coming to a close.
我們要趕快把到兩個新妹 We need to begin phase two.
我們一定要讓我們的老二在畢業舞會的時候有的上 We need to get our dicks wet by prom.
我無法贊同你說的話 I don't approve of that language at all.
我要瘋了，老哥，18年來一個女人都沒有上？ I'm going crazy, dude. 18 years and nothing?
我可不要在20歲的時候醒來充滿後悔 I don't want to wake up 20 years from now with regrets.
「嘿，小兄弟，抱歉我沒能在你身上戴套子」 "Hey, buddy, sorry I didn't put you in more things."
- 不好意思 - 哇 Oops. Whoa!
老天，這是貨真價實的大麻，幹 Man! That is a metric ton of weed. Shit!
如果我們吃完全部的布朗尼，我們很快就會長辮子了 If we eat that whole brownie, we're gonna immediately grow dreadlocks.
我們應該去廚師學校學怎麼做真正的大麻料理 We should go to cooking school and learn how to make real weed cuisine.
我說的在羊腿淋上一些大麻醬或是什麼鬼 I'm talking leg of lamb with a weed reduction sauce or some shit.
老兄 Dude.
- 什麼？ - 我有一個天才的主意，我們應該把布朗尼留下來 What! I have a genius idea. We should save this brownie
當作我們在畢業舞會可以找到人上床的獎勵 and eat it as a reward for getting laid at prom.
好哇，所以這就像是彩虹另外一端的黃金鍋(美國傳說) Okay. So, it's like our pot at the end of the rainbow.
除了裡面不是黃金，而是整鍋的大麻 Except instead of a pot full of gold, it's a pot full of pot.
嗯，我想我剛剛說的就有這層涵義 Yeah, I think that was implied with what I said.
老兄，我都想好了 Dude, I got it all planned out!
我們去畢業舞會，做完愛，吃了布朗尼，然後整個星期瘋狂 We go to prom, have sex, eat this brownie, be high for a week straight.
然後我們上大學，其他人就會想 Then we go to college. People are gonna be like,
「這兩個人太酷了，絕對不會是處男」 "Those two guys are so awesome they're definitely not virgins."
對啊，然後我們搬回來，找到做到死的工作 Yeah, then we move back here, we get dead-end jobs,
最後退休，死掉 we retire, and we fucking die.
如果時間一樣的話，我們還可以葬在一起 If we time it right, we make it a double funeral.
喔，老天，這計畫太讚了 Oh, my God. That's a great plan.
恭喜上妹
你爸不會看到嗎？ Isn't your dad going to see this?
喔，他是個老狐狸，他看到會愛死的 Oh, he's a pussycat. He'll love it.
而且他現在有新的女朋友，他現在開心的很 And he's got a new girlfriend now, so he's a happy boy.
好吧，老兄，我要先走了 All right, man, I'm gonna head out,
明天練團的時候見 but I will see you tomorrow at band practice.
好，老兄 – 好 All right, dude. All right.
嘿，你想要出去兜風嗎？ Hey, you want to go for a drive?
呃，我準備畫完這些胸部之後就要去睡了 Um, I was just gonna go to sleep after finishing this pair of tits.
我們應該要去兜風 We should definitely go for a drive.
呦，怎麼了嗎？老兄 Yo, something wrong, dude?
沒有，就只是兜風而已 No, just going for a drive.
好吧，聽著，老兄，我們講過的那些 All right, listen, man. All this talking we've been doing
作愛的事，還有未來，還有我們的人生之類的鬼東西 about sex, and the future, and the rest of our lives and all that shit
讓我有一點罪惡感 has got me feeling a little guilty.
為什麼？ Why?
聽著，你是我最好的朋友，你知道 Look, you're my best friend. You know that.
所以，我欠你這個解釋 And so, I owe this to you.
好哇，到底是什麼？ Yeah, what is it?
我是同性戀，老兄 I'm a gay dude.
什麼？ What?
我是個同性戀 I'm a gay dude.
同性戀 I'm a gay.
你是說很娘的同性戀？還是罵人「插屁眼」的同性戀，還是罵人「智障」的同性戀？ Like "gay" gay? Like "dicks in butts" gay or "retarded" gay?
還是說「老兄，尼可拉斯凱吉的電影有夠同性戀的」 Like, "Man, Nicolas Cage movies are gay."
不是，是「我是個男人喜歡另一個男人」那種同性戀 No, like "I'm a dude who's attracted to other dudes" gay.
什麼？不，你只是個男生 What? No, you're just a dude.
不，正是這樣，一個同性戀男生 No, exactly. A gay dude.
幹，你看起來完全不像 Fuck. You're all out of shape and shit.
真的嗎？不，老兄，我自己很清楚 Really? No, dude, I fucking know.
聽著，我對窗簾沒有興趣，我也不看舞台劇 Look, I'm not into curtains. I've never watched the Tonys.
我也不穿深V的背心，但我是同性戀 I'm never gonna wear a deep V-neck t-shirt, but I am gay.
你是什麼時候第一次知道？ 是最近才知道的嗎？ When did you first realize this? Is this a recent development?
不，幹，不是 No. Fuck, no.
還記得我們小時候，6，7歲的時候 Remember when we were kids, six or seven years old,
我們總是會在學校穿過鐵欄杆 we used to give that guy half of our sandwiches
給一個男人半個三明治？ through the chain-link fence at school?
是啊，那個男人是個流浪漢 Yeah, that guy was a homeless guy.
是啊，那時候我有一點喜歡他 Yeah, and I kind of had a crush on him.
你喜歡一個流浪漢？ You were gay for the homeless guy?
他還挺粗曠帥氣的 He was ruggedly handsome.
你七歲的時候就像要上一個流浪漢？ You wanted to fuck a hobo when you were seven?
這是你要跟我說的？ That's what you're telling me?
我就是要這樣跟你說，老兄 That's what I'm telling you, man.
我想要他骯髒粗曠大手摸我的感覺 I wanted to feel the touch of his dirty, hobo hands.
這太瘋狂了，你甚至比我交過更多女朋友 This is crazy! You've dated more girls than I have!
我想那是你的問題，老實說 I think that's more of a you-problem, to be honest.
你跟安說了嗎？ 你比我早之前先跟她說了嗎？ Did you tell Em? Did you tell her before you told me?
對啊，對，聽著，老兄，她完全沒問題 Yeah. Yeah. Look, dude, she's super-cool.
我不想要因為這些不必要的瑣事浪費她的人生 I don't want to fuck up her life with unnecessary falsehoods.
哇，幹你老母 Wow. Fuck.
你是個同性戀 You're a gay dude.
是啊，我是個同性戀 Yeah, I'm a gay dude.
你確定嗎？ Are you sure?
你知道嗎？ You know what?
我再想個18年，然後再跟你說 Let me think about it for another 18 years, and then I'll get back to you.
- 廢話，我當然確定，麥克！ - 好啦，老天 Yes, I'm fucking sure, Michael. All right, man!
哼，該死，那整個布朗尼計畫都破壞了 Well, shit, the whole brownie thing's out the window.
不，我想要吃布朗尼 No, I want to eat that brownie.
要是沒有那個計劃，我就不需要跟艾娃分手 I probably wouldn't have broken up with Ava without our whole big plan.
她這麼正 She's so hot.
而且也超過你的範圍 Yeah, and so out of your league.
老兄，你看過她的胸部和她的腹部嗎？ Dude, have you seen her boobs and her stomach area?
她的腹部就像她的胸部一樣火辣 Her stomach is almost as hot as her boobs.
懂嗎？你可以想像嗎？ Right? Can you even wrap your brain around that?
可以啊，可以，我是說，腹部看起來很結實 Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's a tight stomach.
我不知道該怎麼說，還不錯 I don't know what to tell you. It's nice.
不，不，不，老兄，沒關係，這沒問題 No, no, no. Dude, this is fine. It's good.
- 我懂了，你喜歡老二 - 對 I get it. You like dicks now. Yeah.
你現在想要在休息的時候 You are a man who aspires to handle
駕馭另一個男人的跨下 the scrotums of other men in his free time.
聽著，我還沒想那麼多 Listen, I haven't got that far.
我還不知道我對跨下的感覺 I don't really know how I feel about scrotums.
- 聽著，我只知道，這件事是一個秘密 – 好 Look, all I know is that this has to stay a secret. Yeah.
我還沒準備好那種「出櫃」的壓力，你懂我的意思？ I'm not ready for the big, gay "coming out" shit, you know what I mean?
當然懂 Sure, yeah.
說真的，你不行就跟我說 And seriously, you can tell me.
我們沒事吧？ Are we cool?
當然，老兄，你是我最好的朋友，老天，任何事都… Yeah, dude. You're my best friend, man. Everything's...
沒問題的，老兄，好嗎？ It's cool, man. Yeah?
嘿，老兄 Hey, man.
我知道我今晚對你說了重大，非常同性戀的大事 I know I dropped a big, fat, fucking gay bomb on you tonight.
我不知道結果會不會好一點，或者是其他，但是… I don't know if things ended right or whatever, but...
聽著，老兄，我不想要我們變得很尷尬或是很奇怪 Look, dude, I don't want shit to be awkward or weird.
我不希望如此 Not that it would be.
但是如果你聽到的話，我希望你打個電話給我 But you should give me a call when you get this.
這是個又長又尷尬的留言 Long, awkward message.
抱歉，再見 Sorry. Bye.
他們怎麼知道那頭狗是同性戀？ How did they know that dog is gay?
麥克，你忘了你的背包… - 喔，老天，喔老天 Michael, you left your backpack... Oh, God. Oh, God.
喔老天 Oh, God.
呃，你好，爸 So, hello, Dad.
你還好嗎？ How are things?
還不錯，兒子。你這邊如何？ They're wonderful, son. How are things with you?
嗯，我很好，謝謝 Well. They're well. Thank you.
很好，我很高興聽到 Excellent. I'm glad to hear that.
我把包包放在這裡 I'm just gonna set this down now.
嗯，很好，很好 Sure. Cool, cool.
喔，用力幹我，耶 Oh, Fuck that cock, yeah.
你有沒有什麼事想要跟我說的？ Is there anything you'd like to talk to me about?
不，完全沒有 No. Nothing at all.
那個馬屌真令人興奮，喔，耶 Choke on that horse dick. Oh, yeah.
麥克，我想要讓你知道 Michael, I want you to know there's nothing
你現在的行為並沒有任何錯 wrong with what you're doing right now.
我並沒有做那些你在想的事情 I'm not doing what you think I'm doing.
在你這個年紀是很自然的衝動，好奇心 It's a very natural urge at your age, a curiosity,
或者是會更強烈 or it could be more than that.
如果是這樣，我也百分之百贊成 And if it is, I'm 100% okay with that, too.
你不需要什麼都接受 You don't have to be okay with anything,
因為這不是你想的，真的 because this is nothing, really.
你想要說嗎？ Do you want to talk about it?
不，因為這只是一個研究，除此之外什麼都不是 No, because this is just a bunch of research, nothing more.
只是非姓愛的研究 Just non-sexual research.
我現在插進去了，我的老二插進去了 I'm living in your asshole. That asshole is where my dick lives.
好吧 Okay.
等你準備好，要跟我講的時候，我隨時都在 When you're ready, and you want to talk, I'm here.
我愛你，這一切都不會改變 I love you, and nothing can change that.
記住這點，我為你感到驕傲 Remember that. I'm proud of you.
我要射了！ I'm choking on your cum!
謝謝 Thanks.
你以後進來我房間前可以先敲門嗎？ Could you knock before coming in here in the future?
當然 Of course.
堅強一點 Stay strong.
呃，如果你需要更多空間，你可以放一些東西在我的置物櫃 Um, if you need space, you can put some stuff in my locker.
謝謝，裡面放了一堆亂七八糟的東西 Thanks. There's so much shit in here.
我爸給我一堆他的舊照相機讓我上攝影課 My dad gave me a bunch of his old cameras for a photography class,
但是我沒有跟他說，我的作業 but what I didn't tell him is that for my project,
其實是我要用我自己的手機 I'm actually gonna take pictures
替這些照相機拍照 of these cameras using my phone.
對這些照相機來說很悲傷 That is so sad for those cameras.
是啊，老東西真慘 Yeah. Getting old sucks.
嘿，我可以跟你說一件事嗎？ Hey, can I talk to you about something?
好哇 Sure.
嗯，馬帝跟我講一件事 So, Matty told me about the thing.
什麼事？ What thing?
關於他那部分的同性戀事情 The thing about the gayness in his "pay-nis."
我不知道為什麼要說「那部分」，聽起來很怪 I don't know why I said "pay-nis." That was weird.
是啊，嗯，很好，我很高興他跟你講了 Yeah. Well, good. I'm glad he told you.
他現在身邊需要有些可以讓他敞開心胸的人 He needs people around him that he can open up to right now.
他可以信賴的人 People he can trust.
我可以當這樣的人 I can be that person.
那就好 That's good.
我應該送給他禮物或是什麼嗎？氣球或是蛋糕？ Should I get him a gift or something? Balloons or a cake?
氣球，最好不要。蛋糕吧，你應該給他蛋糕 Balloons, probably not. A cake, you should get him a cake.
你應該在上面寫「你是同性戀，而你很棒」 And you should have it say, "You're gay, and you're fabulous."
- 真的嗎？ - 才不呢 Really? No!
不要讓他感覺更奇怪 Don't make him feel weird about it.
你說的對，什麼事都沒變 You're right. Nothing has to change.
你還好嗎？ Are you okay?
當然，當然 Definitely, definitely.
我絕對沒有因為 I'm definitely not feeling weird
我最好的朋友變成同性戀而感到尷尬 about losing my best friend to the gay side.
完全沒問題，我要繼續保持 It's all good. Gonna keep on trucking.
我們還是好兄弟 We're a couple of knuckleheads.
我們會繼續下去，小妹，你就這樣想吧 Take it to the bank, sister. Think about that.
馬帝，你參加樂團，真的嗎？ Matty, you're in a band? Really?
喔，是啊，我們是演奏純音樂電視主題曲的樂團 Oh, yeah, it's an instrumental TV theme song cover band.
但是我們還沒有想好名稱 But we don't want to put a label on it.
聰明，不要讓其他人評斷你們是誰 Smart. Don't let the man tell you who you are.
你有沒有想過 Did you ever think about adding
增加一些更流行的元素，像是唱歌？ the popular part of music, the singing?
嗯，這個嘛 Well, yeah.
一點小提醒，也許可以幫助你們試鏡 A little tip. It might help you in the audition.
很高興知道這點 Good to know.
麥克，你需要筆嗎？ Michael, do you need a pen?
不，我跟他一起的 No, I'm with him.
喔，真的嗎？ Oh. Are you really?
因為我們昨天練習需要你的時候你不在 Because you weren't yesterday at practice when we needed you.
我打了你電話七次 I called you seven times.
每個人都在問「麥克去哪了」然後我… And everyone's like, "Where's Michael?" and I'm like...
- 我可以跟你說句話嗎？ - 可以 Can I just talk to you for a second? Sure.
我會把音量轉大 I'll turn the volume up on this
這樣我們說話就沒有人會聽到 so we can talk without anyone hearing.
那，你打爛了布朗尼？ So, you punched the brownie?
這很不像你，你喜歡烤東西 That's not like you at all. You love baked goods.
我不想對你說謊，老兄 I'm not gonna lie to you, man.
你突然就變成同性戀，沒有任何徵兆 You being gay all of a sudden, without warning,
我有一點生氣而且疑惑 I was a little mad and confused.
但是我從頭到尾想過了，我真的想過了 But I thought about the whole thing. I've really thought about it,
這完全沒問題，真的 and it's cool, seriously.
我甚至熬夜復原那個布朗尼 I even stayed up and fixed the brownie.
我真的重新整理好 I did major structural repairs.
這太棒了，老兄，謝謝 That's awesome, man. Thanks.
布朗尼看起來比以前更好 It looks even better than before.
我替你畫了一些老二和屁股 I frosted some dicks and butts on it in your honor.
老二和屁股？你真是好朋友 Dicks and butts? You're a great friend.
我重回軌道了，我想要跟你一起走上同性戀的道路 I'm on board. I want to go on this gay journey with you.
你是我的好朋友，什麼事都不會改變 You're my best friend. Nothing has to change.
我們要完成使命，我們要替對方在畢業舞會前找到床伴 We're still on a mission. We need to get each other laid by prom.
好吧 - 我們要讓老二戴上套子，老兄 All right. We need to get these dicks wet, bro!
或者是你們圈子的說法 Or whatever you call it with gay guys.
讓老二沾黑？ 黑老二？ Get shit on your dick? Get shitty-dicked?
嗯，聽起來還不錯 Yeah, there's probably a better term for it.
我們真的要這麼做，老兄，我要幫你找床伴 So, we're doing this, man! I'm gonna get you laid!
你會參加吧？ - 我會參加 You're in, right? I'm in.
大海裡還有很多隻魚 There's a lot of fish in the sea.
女孩魚還有男孩魚，異性戀魚和同性戀魚 Lady fish and dude fish, straight fish and gay fish.
高中男生都看起來怪怪的 High school dudes are weird.
是啊，很不優 Yeah, not great.
老天，就是這裡，這才是金礦區 Holy shit, this is it, the mother lode.
喔，老兄，戲劇社的人？ Oh, dude, theater kids?
不，我想我現在沒辦法跟他們談話 No, I don't think I should talk to them right now.
你得把你的屁股秀出去 You have to put your ass out there
如果你想要有東西插進去的話 if you want to get something put in it.
老兄，我才剛跟你講我是同性戀 Dude, I just came out to you.
我現在就要立刻跟其他同性戀說話嗎？ Do I have to go talk to other gay people immediately?
這才是朋友會做的事，朋友應該幫助彼此 That's what friends do. Friends wingman each other.
而且我很討厭那個詞，我覺得那很蠢 And I hate that word. I think it's stupid,
但是我現在要幫助你，不管你喜不喜歡 but it's what I'm gonna do to you, whether you like it or not.
不是說我不感謝你 It's not that I don't appreciate it.
只是說我想我們應該… It's just that I think that we should...
這是美國傳統 This is an American tradition.
在畢業舞會的時候上床的故事 Having sex by prom is a story told
已經被眾多優秀作者一再地寫過 over and over again by our greatest writers.
頑童歷險記，白鯨記，尤利西斯，伊利亞德 Huck Finn, Moby Dick, Ulysses, the Iliad.
說的都是在畢業舞會的時候上床 They're all about having sex by prom.
不，我想他們沒有寫吧 No, I don't think they are.
但是感覺就像是寫過了 But it feels like they are.
你呢？老兄 What about you, man?
你甚至連跟上床的邊都沒沾上 You're nowhere near having sex with anything anytime soon.
我很確定我還是可以跟艾娃上床 I'm pretty sure I can still hook it up with Ava.
幹你媽咪，那個男的？ Fuck! That guy?
算了，今天我們其中一個一定要有點進展 Come on. One of us is gonna make some progress today.
思考酒吧，這裡是葛林愛倫的同志中心 Reflections, the center of Glen Ellen's gay universe.
我很高興重回酒吧 It's good to be back at a bar.
你知道這間酒吧是我最好的前五名之一嗎？ Did you know that this is one of my top five favorite bars?
是啊，沒錯 Yeah, it is.
喔，謝謝你 Oh. Thank you.
酷，酷，酷 Cool, cool, cool.
這是唯一一間酒吧 This is the only bar in town
根本不在乎我們的假身分證有多假 that doesn't care how shitty our fake IDs are.
老兄，這裡棒透了 Dude, this is great.
好吧 Okay.
難怪他們讓我們進來 No wonder they let us in.
老兄，這裡糟透了，真的很糟 Dude, this is bad. This is really bad.
這裡比一般的酒吧還要令人絕望 This is a more depressing version of a regular bar.
那邊那個男的看起來玩得很開心 That guy over there looks like he's having a great time.
來吧，來吧 Come on, come on.
嘿，你們好 Hey, guys. How's it going?
嘿，你們好，你們是新來的？你們應該是新來的 Hey, guys. Are you guys new guys? You're probably new guys.
因為會來這裡的都是常客 Everyone around here is a regular.
我一眼就可以認出你們是不是新來的 I'd recognize you if you weren't new.
是啊，他是馬帝，我是麥克，他是同志，我不是 Yeah. This is Matty. I'm Michael. He's gay. I'm not.
我是賈德，我非常同志 I'm Jared, and I'm very gay.
是啊，我們看的出來 Yeah, we noticed.
你們是葛林愛倫人？ Do you guys go to Glen Ellen?
太酷了，我是谷泉人，黑豹隊加油 It's cool. I go to Valley Springs. Go Panthers!
但是我知道現在的情況，你們兩個完全就是好寶寶的類型 But I know the scene there, and you guys totally seem like GHS kids.
噓哈士奇(葛林愛倫的吉祥物) Boo Huskies.
是啊，我們支持葛林愛倫 Yeah, we go to Glen Ellen.
太好了 Awesome.
所以你們等一下想要爽一下嗎？ So, do you wanna fuck later?
爛透了 Holy shit.
老兄，那個男的已經準備好上床了，你怎麼了？ Dude, that guy is ready to fuck right now. What's wrong?
他的眉毛上有穿環，而且渾身閃閃發光 He has a ring in his eyebrow and glitter on his everything.
- 那又怎樣 - 他太同志了 So? He was too gay.
不要這麼恐同嘛，老兄，拜託，你喜歡哪一型的？ Don't be homophobic, bro. Come on, what's your type?
哪一型？我不知道，我想不出來我喜歡那一型 My type? I don't know. I don't think I have a type.
你當然有，每個人都有喜歡的型，你是哪一種？ Of course you do. Everyone has a type. What is it?
聽著，我們還是不要太衝動，喝點酒，放鬆就好 Look, we should just chill out, have a beer, relax.
可以嗎？拜託？ - 好哇 Can we do that, please? Yeah.
- 嗨，又見面了 – 嗨 Hi again! Hi.
嘿，賈德，我們不準備上床 – 噓 Hey, Jared, it's gonna be a no for the fucking. Shh.
我要去弄些E(搖頭丸)，你們想要E嗎？ 你們絕對想要E I'm gonna get some E. Do you want some E? You're gonna want some E.
不，我們不想要搖頭丸 No, we don't want any ecstasy.
我去替你們弄些E，之後再說 I'll get you some E, and then we'll talk.
呼！ Whoo!
E表示熱情，沒錯 E for enthusiasm. Certainly.
這一點用也沒有 This is useless.
你非常幸運 You're super-lucky.
你變成同志，你就可以無止盡的做愛 When you're gay, you get nonstop sex all the time.
沒有其他問題，太棒了 No strings attached. It's amazing.
我才不會因為我是同性戀就一直做愛 I'm not gonna just have sex with anyone because I'm gay.
我是同性戀但不是婊子 I'm gay. I'm not a whore.
我幫你們帶搖頭丸回來囉，男孩們 I'm back with your ecstasy, boys!
賈德，我們說的很清楚，我們不要搖頭丸 Jared, we were very specific. We don't want it.
你們沒吃過嗎？ Have you even tried it before?
喔，天啊 – 喔你們一定很會跳舞 Oh, my God! -oh. You're really good at dancing.
我不覺得我會跳舞 I don't think I'm dancing.
賈德，離開，讓這兩個人清靜一點 Jared! Get out of here. Leave those guys alone.
維儂老師？你在這裡 Mr. Vernon? You're here.
是啊，你們也是 Yeah, so are you.
我們都在這裡 We're all here.
克利斯，你還記得學校的麥克和馬帝嗎？ Chris, you remember Michael and Matty from school?
嘿，你們好 Hey, guys.
丹尼斯老師 Mr. Dennis.
你還以前在我的班上 You used to be in my fourth period.
你給我打C You gave me a C.
所以你們不打算跟其他人說？ So, you're not gonna talk about this to anyone?
喔，不，當然不會 Oh, no, of course not.
雖然我想你們最好還是趕快回家 Though I think it'd be a good idea if you guys went home.
你們未成年飲酒的話我沒辦法跟你們好好說 I can't really talk to you while you're underage drinking.
- 當然 - 沒錯 Of course. Yeah.
如果我們彼此都不要講出去 And it would be nice to keep this quiet
會比較好一點 on both ends, if that makes sense.
- 完全理解 – 沒錯 Totally understand. Yeah.
我非常期待明天到學校 I really look forward to not making
不用跟你們對上眼 eye contact with you tomorrow at school.
天那，維儂老師欸，我完全看不出來 Dude, Mr. Vernon. I had no idea.
是啊，還有丹尼斯老師，你覺得他們會在學校做愛嗎？ Yeah, and Mr. Dennis. You think they've done it at school?
拜託，天啊 Come on, man.
對了，我很欣賞這裡的氣氛 By the way, I appreciate the sentiment,
不過這裡依然是我去過最爛的同志酒吧 but this is the worst and only gay bar I've ever been to.
幹，又怎麼了？ Fuck! What the F?
幹你老母，喔，死定了 Fuck a duck. Oh, shit.
你剛剛在幹嘛？ What were you doing?
我在開車啊，老兄，你開著全世界 I'm driving, man. It's not my fault
最小的汽車又不是我的錯 that you drive the smallest car in the universe.
這是什麼鳥車？ KIA的縮小版？ What is that? Is that a Diet Kia?
你可能會撞傷我們 You could have really injured us.
哈哈，齁齁，你剛剛說「可能」 Ha-ha-ho! Ho-ho. You just said "could have."
你剛剛承認沒有任何傷害，沒錯 You've officially acknowledged that no harm has been done. Okay.
這裡都被你撞爛了，我要換新的 This thing is trashed. I'm gonna need a new thing.
你看看 Look at this!
現在可以給我們你的保險資料嗎？ This is the time when we get our insurance information.
呃… Um... ...
不，我打算離開，好嗎？ No. I'm gonna go ahead and leave now. Okay?
老兄，拜託 – 這算什麼？ Dude. Come on! What the fuck?
- 呦 – 嘿，停下來 Yo! Hey! Stop!
你不會想要撞我吧 You're not gonna run me over.
冷靜一點 Be cool.
- 我們可以商量， - 冷靜點，老兄 Let's talk. Chill, man.
我很冷靜，非常冷靜，我很冷靜 I'm totally chill. Super chill. I'm very cool.
你聞起來就像個舊帳篷 You smell like an old tent.
你到底怎麼了？ What's wrong with you?
說實話，我車上有一個培根堡 Honestly, I have a Baconator in the car,
我想要回家吃培根堡 and I want to get home and eat it.
你他媽說什麼培根堡？ What the fuck is a Baconator?
那是溫蒂漢堡裡面的好吃三明治 It's a really delicious sandwich from Wendy's.
老兄，給我你的保險資料 Dude, just give me your information.
麥克，我想我們最好報警 Mike, maybe we should just call the cops.
我們不能報警，我們未成年而且我們還喝了酒 We can't call the cops. We're underage, and we had a bunch of beers.
你剛剛推我嗎？ - 也許 Did you just push me? Maybe.
好啊，那現在我要這樣 Okay. Then it's gonna be go time.
沒問題，只是說… It's okay. It's just...
什麼，老兄？你剛剛推倒我？ What was that, dude? You tripped me?
是啊，我推了 Yeah, I did.
你推倒我？那種渾蛋會這麼做？ You tripped me? Who the fuck trips people?
我就這麼做，我最近才發誓不會再揍人 I do. I took a vow recently that I would stop punching people,
因為我之前揍過太多次 because I was doing that too much.
我正試著不要太暴力，那，就這樣 I'm trying to be less violent in general. So, okay.
他把你推得很完美 He did trip you really well.
我知道，老兄，你是站哪一邊的啊？ I know, dude, but whose side are you on?
好耶 All right!
老兄，剛剛很不錯 Dude, that was actually pretty dope.
我覺得我們準備好了，我想這首歌可以拿去試鏡 I think we're ready. I think that's the audition song.
是啊，對。嗯，麥克，事實上我們已經談過 Yeah, yeah. Well, Mike, we've actually been having some
這個樂團的方向了 discussions about the direction of the band.
你是什麼意思？ What does that mean?
嗯，我們討論過 Well, we've been talking,
我們一致認為現在是時候 and we think it's about time we add
增加一些人聲在我們的音樂裡面 some songs with vocals to the set list.
就像是Charles in Charge(美國80年代的影集)裡面的歡呼聲 Like Cheers and Charles in Charge.
Saved by the Bell ，還有Saved by the Bell: College Years (皆為同一系列的影集) Saved by the Bell, Saved by the Bell: College Years.
是啊，這些歌單會一直改變 Yeah, the list goes on and on.
最重要的是，維儂老師跟我說 And more importantly, Mr. Vernon straight-up told me,
「你們除非找到歌手否則不能在畢業舞會上演奏」 "You're not playing prom unless you have a singer."
是嗎，但那不是我們的本行，我們也沒辦法 Yeah, well, that's not what we are. That's not what we do.
- 誰有辦法唱？ - 你可以啊 Who would even sing? You would.
什麼？ 不，我沒辦法 What? No, I can't.
你的聲音很好聽，老兄 You have a beautiful voice, man.
你在三年級的時候曾經在音樂劇上演唱 You were the star of that musical in third grade.
謝謝你 Thank you.
但是不，我不行 But no. No way.
我不能在大家面前唱歌 I'm not gonna sing in front of people.
為什麼我們得要改變作法？ Why do we have to change up things?
我們現在的狀態都很好啊 Everything's fine the way it is right now.
嘿，娘泡們 Hey, fags.
該死，你哥回來了 Shit. It's your brother.
時間到，滾出車庫 Time's up. Get out of the garage.
現在又還沒五點，辣斯 It's not 5:00 yet, Lars.
是啊，我們要提早開始 Yeah, well, we're starting early.
我們要把道奇樂團的金曲練好 Really gotta nail down this Daughtry medley.
喔，那個叫金曲？ Oh, that's a medley?
我以為那是一首很長，爛的要死的歌 I thought that was one incredibly long, incredibly shitty song.
說的好，馬帝，但是你沒辦法激怒我 Nice try, Matty. But you can't rile me up.
我們現在非常專注，我，布蘭登和查德 We're so focused and tight right now, me, Brandon and Chad.
我是馬克 I'm Mark.
你已經三十歲了，你還在跟 You're 30 years old, and you play
高中生一起玩樂團 in a band with high school kids.
我們的樂團超殺 And our band rules!
現在快給我滾出車庫，讓我們練習 Now, get the fuck out of the garage so we can practice.
好吧 Fine.
來吧，各位，我讓你們看看我的蜥蜴 Come on, guys. I'm gonna show you my lizards.
好吧，麥克，我已經寫好 All right, Mikey, I have compiled
有人聲的新歌單 a list of songs that have vocals.
我希望你可以背下歌詞 I want you to learn the lyrics.
下次我們練習的時候，我們就直接唱出來 And next time we're in here, we'll just rock them out.
好吧，這個酒吧叫做「季風酒吧」 Okay, so, this club is called Club Monsoon,
看起來在東區 and looks like it's on the east side.
最後會螢光棒插在我的屁股上嗎？ Am I gonna end up with a glow stick up my ass?
是啊，不過拿著那根螢光棒的人 Yes, but the man holding that glow stick
可能會變成你未來的老公 just might be your future husband.
你好，歡迎來到季風酒吧 Hello. Welcome to Club Monsoon.
兩位？ - 對 For two? Yep.
螢光棒 Glow sticks.
這些人不覺得他們很膚淺嗎？ Don't these guys know they're living a cliche?
這樣你要怎麼跟其他人認識？ How are you supposed to meet anybody in here?
我想你就跟著跳舞 I think you just dance with them
一直他他們的老二不小心滑進你身體 until their dick accidentally slips inside of you.
- 好耶 – 不好意思 All right. Excuse me.
先生，請讓讓，請讓讓 Sir, a little bit of space. A little bit more space.
好吧，這樣可以 Okay. All right.
我很抱歉我在這裡 My fault for being here.
兩杯莫吉托(一種雞尾酒)，謝謝 Two mojitos, please.
- 喔，我們可以抽嗎？ - 這不是你想像的那種東西 Oh. Can we hit that? It's not what you think it is.
那不是大麻嗎？ That isn't some of that dank Kush?
不，這是鼠尾草 No, it's salvia.
這會帶給你人生中最棒的夢境 It gives you the best dream of your life
只要15分鐘，然後就結束了 for 15 minutes, and then it's over.
這安全嗎？ Is it safe?
嗯，至少這是合法的 Well, it's legal.
哇，你們兩個只能穿內褲進去泡泡間 Whoa! You guys gotta be in your underwear to be in the foam room.
不能穿衣服，穿鞋子，穿褲子，這是規定 No shirt, no shoes, no pants. That's our policy.
衣服？我連臉都不見了 Shirt? I'm not even wearing a face.
你們太超過了，兩位 Above and beyond, gentlemen.
是瀑布欸 It's a waterfall!
這是我看過最讚的瀑布 This is the best waterfall I've ever seen!
是啊，你們兩個跳的真棒 Yeah! You guys are such good dancers!
音樂正照在他的身上 Music is shooting out of his body.
這太不可思議了 It's magical.
嘿，嘿，要是這個世界上沒有時鐘會怎樣？ Hey, hey. What if there were no clocks ever?
要是這個世界上沒有時鐘或是時間 What would you do with your day
你的一天要怎麼過？ if there were no clocks or no time?
我會打造一個時鐘 Build a clock.
賈德！！ Jared!
好吧 Okay!
今晚有人沒穿內褲喔 Somebody's not wearing panties tonight!
這真是我一生中最棒的一晚，嗚 This is the best night of my life! Whoo!
很有趣，很有趣，對吧 It's fun. It was fun, right?
不是很糟，一點也不糟 Not too bad. Not bad at all.
我們只是在裡面玩，做些事情 Just hanging out in there. Just doing stuff.
跟我們平常做的沒什麼兩樣 Not that different from what we usually do.
你在說什麼？ What are you talking about?
我們剛剛跟一大堆男人在泡泡房裡面裸體跳舞 We were dancing naked with a bunch of dudes in a room full of foam.
就像是有一次我們去上探戈課 It's like that one time when I made us take tango lessons
因為可以讓我們認識女生 because it would help us meet girls.
不，才沒有，這完全不一樣 No, it's not. This is completely different.
這完全跟我們以前所做的事 This is completely different than anything
都不一樣 we've ever done in our lives ever.
至少我們還是一起做 At least we're still doing it together.
但是，老哥，這是我的未來嗎？跟一堆裸男在季風酒吧？ But, dude, is this my future? A bunch of trips to Club Monsoon?
這樣很糟嗎？ Is that so bad?
那邊有很酷的家具和燈光，就像是歐洲一樣 They had cool furniture and lights and stuff. It's like Europe in there.
並不是歐洲都是同志 Not all of Europe is gay.
隨便拉，老哥，最重要的是，我們還是朋友 Whatever. Dude, the important thing is, we're still friends.
我們有布朗尼，還有其他的東西 We got the brownie, all that stuff.
任何東西只要有雷射光和抽菸器就會好很多 Everything is better with lasers and smoke machines.
你喜歡雷射光，你喜歡抽大麻，那邊就跟天堂一樣 You love lasers. You love smoke. That was a paradise for you.
我錯了嗎？我很清楚你，我比任何人都清楚你 Am I wrong? I know you. I know you better than anyone.
那邊很棒，就跟歐洲一樣 That was amazing. It was like Europe.
而且，未來，而且就跟恐怖電影一樣 Plus also, in the future, and also, it's a horror movie.
你在做什麼？ What are you doing?
我被關在我家外面 I got locked out of my house.
我可以進去嗎？ Can I come in?
她看電影的時候一直傳簡訊 She was just texting on her phone throughout the entire movie,
我很生氣，我只好拿爆米花丟她的臉 and I was so mad, I was just throwing popcorn in her face
她甚至也沒發現 without even realizing it.
你根本沒在聽我講話吧，有嗎？ You haven't been listening to anything I've been saying, have you?
沒有，我有在聽 No, yeah, I am.
等等，你抽大麻了？ Wait a minute. Are you high?
沒有 No.
你抽了，我看的出來，你從來沒有這麼安靜過 You totally are. I can tell. You're never this quiet for this long.
是啊，我今晚抽了鼠尾草 Yeah. I smoked salvia tonight.
天那，那很爽嗎？ Holy shit. Is it awesome?
不 No.
你看起來有點感傷 You seem kind of traumatized.
沒關係，你不用現在跟我說 It's okay. You don't have to tell me about it right now.
你任何時候都可以跟我說，真的 You can tell me about it whenever you want, really.
你可以在任何時候跟我說 You can talk to me about anything whenever you want.
你像拍狗的頭一樣拍我 You're patting me on the head like a dog.
真的欸，我很抱歉 I am doing that. I'm sorry.
等等，你喝醉了 Wait. You are drunk!
是啊 Yeah.
我就知道，你在碎碎念 I knew it! You're all chatty and shit.
我喝了一堆我爸的波本酒 I killed a bunch of my dad's bourbon.
很好 Nice.
然後你過來了 And then you came over.
然後我們在這裡，還有起司和麵包 And now we're here with cheese and bread.
你，我，起司，麵包 You, me, cheese, bread here.
人生爛透了 Life sucks.
是啊，人生爛透了 Yeah, life sucks.
但是我想有時候不會 But I guess sometimes it doesn't.
等等，等等 Wait, wait, wait.
我們在做什麼？ What are we doing?
我不知道，你在做什麼？ I don't know. What are you doing?
我不知道 I don't know.
你在做什麼？ What are you doing?
喔，嘿 Oh, hey.
我要走了 I should go.
是啊，你應該走了 Yeah, you should.
是啊 Yeah.
我的衣服在你那邊 My clothes are over there.
你可以轉過去嗎？ So can you turn around?
好哇 Okay.
我們要談一下昨晚的事嗎？ Should we talk about what happened last night?
我們上床了 We were fucked up.
的確是，真的上床了 We are, in general, fucked up.
如果一定要跟一個女孩上床，我很高興是你 If it had to be with a girl, I'm glad it was with you.
謝謝？ Thank you?
嗯 Yeah.
再見 Bye.
你在讀書？我喜歡書 Reading? I love books.
書就像是有文字的電影 Books are like word movies.
你想要幹嘛，麥克？ What do you want, Michael?
沒有，就只是想朋友一樣打招呼，聊天，分享心事 Nothing. Just two friends hanging out, talking, swapping stories.
- 你剛剛噴到我了 – 有嗎？ You just spit on me. Did I?
抱歉，有時候我講話太快就會這樣 Sorry. Sometimes that happens when I start talking too fast.
我想有些噴到我的嘴巴了 I think some of it got in my mouth.
你想要跟我參加畢業舞會嗎？ Do you wanna go to prom with me?
什麼？才不要 What? No.
好吧，我知道我甩了你，而且這讓你很難過 Okay, I know I dumped you, and that was probably painful,
但是我知道這是個錯誤 but I realized that was a mistake,
我想我們可以重頭來過 and I think we can get past that.
我要跟安東尼一起去 I'm going with Anthony.
真的嗎？ Really?
或是盧卡斯，或是戴米恩，現在有一堆男人要跟我去 Or Lucas or Damien. There's a lot of balls in the air right now.
真的嗎？怎麼回事？ There are? What happened?
我到處跟人約會 I'm dating around.
到處跟人約會？你從不這樣做 Dating around? You don't date around.
這太不像你了… That's not...
我們甚至沒有上到三壘 We didn't even get past third base.
我們從來就沒有二壘過吧 We never got past second.
你說的很不清楚，我需要更清楚的解釋 It's an imprecise metaphorical system. It's open to interpretation.
你剛剛又噴到我了 You just spit on me again.
抱歉 Sorry.
我要走了，我參加護旗隊遲到了 I have to go. I'm late for color guard.
你不能去護旗隊，那名字糟透了 You can't guard colors. It's a stupid name.
應該叫做甩騎隊 It should be called flag spinning.
嘿，歡迎來到「吃漢堡」，你的短褲很好看 Hey, welcome to Catch-a-Burger. Those are sweet cargo shorts.
謝謝你 Thank you.
我可以替你點餐嗎？我叫做彼得 Can I take your order? My name is Pete.
好，我想要一個培根漢堡和大份的薯條 Yes, I would like a Bacon Symphony and a large order of fries.
是，一共5.66美元 Okay. $5.66.
給你 Here you go.
我可以把你的零錢 And can I give your change
投入「吃漢堡」的贊助兒童箱裡面嗎？ to the Catch-a-Burger Courageous Kids program?
不用了，謝謝，給我零錢 No, thank you. I'll just take the change.
我想你連34分都付不起？ I guess you can't afford the 34 cents?
或是你想要把錢花在 Or you wanted to put it to better use
比贊助兒童更好的用途上？ than giving it to courageous kids?
沒錯，我要把錢贊助兒童，對 Yeah, I'll give my money to the kids' program. Sure.
再贊助兩塊錢 For an additional two dollars,
我可以讓你成為吃漢堡的贊助兒童大使 I can make you a Catch-a-Burger Courageous Kids Ambassador.
謝謝，但是我只要我的食物就好 Thank you, but I would just like to eat my food.
是，知道 Yeah, yeah.
嘿，你有父母嗎？ Hey, do you have parents?
當然，人人都有父母 Yeah, of course. Everyone has parents.
吃漢堡的小朋友可沒有 Not the Catch-a-Burger Courageous Kids.
他們是孤兒，老兄，所以才需要贊助兒童 They're orphans, man. That's what makes them so courageous.
- 只要兩塊錢嗎？ - 只要兩塊錢 It's two dollars? It's two dollars.
好吧，我有兩塊錢 – 謝謝 Yeah, I have two dollars. Thanks so much.
在這個表格上填上資料 Just put it in the box. Fill out one of those guys for me.
我可以先點餐嗎？ Can I order while he's doing this?
當然，沒問題 Yeah. Okay.
嘿，你知道要怎樣才酷嗎？ Hey, you know what would be really cool?
如果你跟他做一樣的事 If you would do what he's doing preemptively.
只要兩塊錢，就可以幫助很多兒童 It's just two bucks. Really help a lot of kids.
我還沒點餐欸 I haven't ordered yet.
有個大人物現在在付錢，而你看起來一點錢都沒有嗎？ Big man here is doing it, and he looks like he has fucking no money.
好吧，我寫就是了 Okay, let's do it.
謝謝你，兄弟 Thanks, bro.
我之前在那裡見過你 I met you at the place before.
沒錯，我撞到你們的卡車 Yes, I struck you with my truck.
嘿，你們有小弟弟嗎？ Hey, do you guys have little brothers?
我有個哥哥 I have an older brother.
不，我是說大哥哥大姊姊計畫 No, I'm talking about the Big Brother Big Sister program.
你們的年紀正好 You guys are the right age for it.
我三年前當過 I've been doing it for three years,
可是我這生中最好的經驗 and it has been the best experience of my whole life.
真的改變了我 It really changed me.
我得跟你們說我的小弟，菲朗 I gotta tell you about my little brother, Phiram.
他是柬埔寨人 He's from Cambodia.
他還是小嬰兒的時候就搭船過來 He came over here on a boat when he was a baby.
他兩歲就失去父親 He lost his father when he was two.
現在他在彈大提琴了，老兄 Now he plays the fucking cello, man.
你們可以想像嗎 Imagine that!
那個男的真不可思議 That guy's incredible.
他就像是販賣慈善的毒販 That guy's like a drug dealer for the concept of charity.
呃，我想我欠你個道歉，為我那天晚上的事 Um, I think I owe you an apology for my behavior the other night.
我出現在錯誤的地點 I was not in a good place.
我剛把我的狗送到獸醫那裡 I'd just taken my dog to the vet
因為他吃了整個足球 because he ate an entire soccer ball.
喔，天啊 Oh, man.
嗯，我也很抱歉，我的朋友有時候很緊張 Well, I'm sorry, too. My buddy gets really nervous sometimes.
或者一直都這樣 Or all the time.
我很驚訝 I'm very intimidating.
沒錯，我是目前你在思考酒吧外面 Yeah, I'm by far the toughest guy you're ever
遇到最貼心的人，好嗎？ gonna meet outside Reflections, okay?
就在這裡，好吧 Right here. All right.
你喜歡那間酒吧嗎？你喜歡裡面的氣氛？ You like that place? You like that scene?
裡面很有趣，是啊 It was interesting. Yeah.
那是我第一次進去 It was my first time there.
你常常進去那裡或者是你只是在外面經過？ Is that a place that you often are around or inside of?
嗯，雖然裡面氣氛不好 Well, it's not much on ambience,
但是他們有最好的啤酒，你一定要喝喝看 but they do have this one incredible craft beer that you gotta try.
你最好不要錯過，叫做百威淡啤酒 It's not to be missed. It's called Bud Light.
喝起來很棒 It's so good.
我叫格雷 I'm Greg.
我是馬帝，很高興認識你 I'm Matty. Nice to meet you.
很高興認識你 Nice to meet you.
我一定要跟你說我的小弟，菲朗 Let me tell you about my little brother, Phiram.
你想要再看一次嗎？ Do you wanna watch this happen one more time?
好啊 Yes. Okay.
安，安 Em! Em!
嘿 Hey.
- 你可以幫我一件很重要的事嗎？ - 什麼？ Can you do me a huge favor? What?
我需要有人載我 I need a ride.
謝謝你載我去修車店 Thanks for driving me to the shop.
小事一樁 No problem.
我剛拿到駕照那天就車禍 I got in an accident the day I got my license,
我父母整個都嚇壞了 and my parents totally freaked out,
所以我知道那是什麼感覺 so I know what it's like.
你到你遇到多少次車禍 How many accidents have you been in?
5或6次吧 Five or six.
什麼，真的嗎？ 我要繼續坐在這裡嗎？ Wait, seriously? Should I be driving with you?
喔，有簡訊，等等 Shit, I got a text. Hold on.
不，不，不 No, no, no!
開玩笑的，我只有遇上四次車禍 I'm kidding. I've only been in four.
好好看路，拜託 Watch the road, please!
嘿，你最近有跟馬帝談過嗎？ Hey, have you talked to Matty recently?
沒有 No.
他最近怪怪的 He's been acting really weird.
真的嗎？ Really?
是啊，我是說，我知道現在對他來說很辛苦，但是…我不知道 Yeah. I mean, I know it's not an easy time, but... I don't know.
你會說英語嗎？可以… No English? Can you...
我的保險桿，保險桿(西班牙語)，有問題，需要換 The bumper, bumpero, is no good. It needs changing.
回來，你不能就這樣一走了之，我的保險桿整個有問題 Come back. You can't just do this. My bumper is messed up.
有人會說英語嗎？ Does anyone here speak English?
怎麼了？ What's going on?
我死定了，沒有人會說英語 I'm screwed. No one here speaks any English.
所以你就要開這台有著 So you're just gonna drive around
大型老舊紅色的保險桿的超級小車？ with a big, old, red bumper on your little periwinkle car?
原本是灰銅色 It's gunmetal.
而且我晚上開的話應該不會很差吧 And it might not be so bad if I drive at night.
不，他們搞壞了你的車，這令人無法接受 No, they messed up your car. That's unacceptable.
不好意思 Excuse me.
不要跟我說你沒注意到你裝錯保險桿
你不用幫我… You don't have to...
不要對他大叫 Don't yell at him.
謝謝你 Thank you.
這種搏擊比美國搏擊要好的多 This shit is so much better than that American shit.
這些人都是墨西哥人，他們才是硬派 These guys are Mexican. They are hard-core.
那是誰？ Who's this guy?
他叫做超級貓 That is the Super Gato.
他就像是個人體貓一樣 He's a man/cat thing.
不會吧 Shit.
他的本領就是他揍人的時候 His thing is when he beats somebody,
他會先在他們身上灑牛奶，然後再舔乾淨 he pours milk on them, and then he licks it off.
他把那招叫做「舔牛奶」 He calls it "licking the leche."
不，我不喜歡這樣 No, I'm not into that.
這不是很好 It's not okay.
有點怪 It's weird.
那邊那個男的是誰？ What about this gentleman right here?
太好了，耶 Yeah! Yeah!
他叫做艾爾•賽菲，意思是瘋狂科學家，他是我的最愛 That's El Cientifico Loco, the Mad Scientist. He's my favorite.
他就像是墨西哥版的斯蒂芬·霍金 He's the Mexican version of Stephen Hawking.
他總是坐著他的輪椅，像個婊子一樣 He rolls around the ring in his little chair, acting like a bitch,
然後他就被打 and then he gets bullied.
他一上場就跟平常一樣，太酷了 He just rises up and regulates. It's awesome.
老兄，你有多同志？ Dude, how are you a gay guy?
我不知道，我就是同志 I don't know. I just am.
你又是多同志？ How are you a gay guy?
我不知道，老兄 I don't know, man.
這太有趣了，我們過得很愉快 This is fun. It's a good time.
是啊 Yeah.
我很高興跟你一起玩，老兄 I enjoy hanging out with you, man.
你就像個好朋友之類的 You're a good friend-type dude-person thing.
謝謝你，小馬 Thank you, Matt.
是啊 Yes.
要找到一夜情很容易，但是遇上真正的交情很難 It's easy to get a quick lay, but the friendship part is hard to come by.
耶，耶 Yeah! Yeah!
就是這樣，打死他 That's it! Fuck him up!
喔，糟了 Oh, shit!
耶 Yeah!
壓倒他了 That's a pin!
幹，幹你媽咪，老貓 Fuck, yeah! Fuck you, cat!
等一下他要說機器聲 – 什麼？ Here comes the robot voice. What?
等一下他就會發出機器聲 Here comes the robot voice.
等一下，等等… Just hold on. Hold on. And...
瘋狂科學家獲得冠軍 EL CIENTIFICO LOCO'S ROBOT Soy el campeon.
沒錯，你就是冠軍，對，你就是冠軍 Yes, you are el campeon! Yeah, you are el campeon!
喔，糟了 Oh, shit!
跟我打招呼 Bring it in right here!
好吧，我不應該喝太多酒 Yeah, I shouldn't have had a drink.
我不應該喝太多酒 I shouldn't have had a drink.
在停車場見 Meet me in the parking lot!
好，沒問題，老兄 Yeah. You got it, man.
嘿，爸，嘿 Hey, Dad. Hey.
哇 Whoa!
這是什麼？ What is that?
這是你媽的結婚周年慶禮物 That is your mom's anniversary gift.
另一件提醒我被綁住了的小東西 Another reminder that I got life by the balls.
快看 Check it out.
那是烤肉用的嗎？ Is that one of those rotisserie grills?
不，這是Ronco牌的烤肉機(置入性行銷OTL) No, it is the Ronco Showtime Rotisserie.
我買到了，她一定會很喜歡 I nailed it. She is gonna love it.
你知道嗎？女人都喜歡廚房用具 You know why? Women love kitchen stuff.
就像我們這種年紀會否認現代科技一樣，不過這是事實 As much as we like to deny it in this PC day and age, it's just true.
男人喜歡汽車，喜歡卡車 Men like cars. Men like trucks.
這就像是送給她的卡車 This is like a truck to her.
喔，我聽到了聲音… Oh, I thought I heard voices...
喔，我的天啊，不，你不會吧 Oh, my God. No, you did not.
喔，我真的買了 Oh, I did.
那是Ronco牌的？ Is that the Ronco Showtime?
是的，女士 Yes, ma'am.
- 「放好就可以走人」 - 「放好就可以走人」 (廣告詞) "Set it and forget it"? "Set it and forget it."
喔，我的天啊，老爸，你真的太貼心了，過來吧 Oh, my God! Daddy, you are so thoughtful. Come here.
我要替你做一個最棒的肌肉 I am gonna make the best chicken for you.
雞皮一定會很香脆 That skin is gonna be so crispy.
我就喜歡香脆的雞皮 I love crispy skin!
一定是又酥又脆 It is going to be the crispiest skin of any chicky.
喔，我的天啊，我太興奮了 Oh, my gosh! I'm just so excited.
我現在要上網把食譜印出來 I'm gonna go print out my internet recipes right this second.
好哇 All right.
馬帝，你爸太不可思議了 Matty, your father is something else.
知道 Okay.
嘿，馬帝，你最近都在做什麼？ Hey, Matty. What have you been up to?
你什麼意思？你在說什麼？ What do you mean? What are you talking about?
我好幾天沒見到你，你到底都在幹嘛？ Last couple of days, I haven't seen you. What have you been doing?
沒有啊，就在家裡鬼混 Nothing. Just hanging out at home and stuff.
你為什麼看起來這麼奇怪？ Why are you being so weird?
我才沒有奇怪 I'm not being weird.
你現在的眼神看起來很緊張又瘋狂 You have an intense crazy-guy look in your eyes right now.
不，我沒有 No, I don't.
好吧，我們練團再見，我要走了 All right, I'll see you at practice. I gotta run.
你要去哪裡？ Where do you have to run?
我會假裝你在說笑話，你真的超好笑 I'm gonna assume you're joking right now. You're hilarious.
然後… And then...
你遲到了 You're late.
是啊，抱歉各位，你準備要唱了嗎？ Yeah, sorry, guys. You pumped to sing?
事實上，我可能需要更多時間 Actually, I might still need more time.
我們沒有那麼多時間了，麥克 We don't have very much time, Mike.
我是說，幾天後就要試鏡了 I mean, the audition's in a few days.
這些歌詞我記不起來 I'm having trouble with these lyrics.
老兄，這不過就是黃金女郎(80年代知名影集)的主題曲 Dude, it's the Golden Girls theme song.
大家都記得黃金女郎的主題曲 Everyone knows the lyrics to the Golden Girls theme song.
這很經典欸 That shit's iconic.
準備好了嗎，喬許，開始囉 Ready, Josh? Let's go.
謝謝你當我朋友 Thank you for being a friend
唱大聲一點，麥克 Sing a little louder, Mike.
帶我走這段路然後再回來 Traveled down the road and back again
聽不到 Can't hear you!
我聽不到 Can't hear shit!
老兄，你就唱出來 Dude, it's just singing.
拜託，麥克 Come on, Mike.
不，不，不，暫停，暫停 No, no, no. Stop, stop, stop.
聽著，這不是我們的本分 Look, this is not what we are.
我們是無人聲電視主題曲演奏樂團 We are an instrumental TV theme song cover band.
是啊，我們以前是，現在不是 Yeah, we were until now.
我想要在畢業舞會表演，麥克 I wanna play prom, Michael.
我要彈這首歌，然後利用這個上個妹 I wanna play this song, and I wanna fuck some chicks because of it.
我能不能上到妹都看你的表演 My fucking is directly linked to your singing.
老兄，我們就做以前的事情就好 Dude, let's just do what we usually do.
我們如果不唱黃金女郎的主題曲不會贏 There's no way we're gonna win if we don't do the Golden Girls theme song!
我們都同意了不是嗎？ Now, we're all in agreement, right, guys?
- 當然 – 沒錯 Fucking A. Yeah.
就是這樣 There you go.
那也許我們就不要再繼續練團了 Maybe then we just shouldn't do it at all.
你在…你現在是認真的嗎？ What are you... Are you seriously doing this right now?
沒錯，你不能強迫我唱歌，我不是歌手 Yep, you can't force me to sing. I'm not a singer.
老天，有點種好不好 Jesus, man, grow some fucking balls!
我有，現在我就有種 I am! These are my balls.
我要走了，這就是我的種 Me leaving. Those are my balls.
我不唱，他們就很機車 And then I wouldn't sing, and they were being dicks.
我們現在不會參加試鏡，整個爛透了 And we're not even gonna audition now, and it just sucks.
你有遠見，你堅持你的看法 You had a vision. You stuck to your guns.
我整個人生都毀了 My entire life is shit.
你知道我邀請艾娃參加畢業舞會？ You know I asked Ava to prom?
- 不會吧 – 沒錯 No! Yep.
- 不會吧 – 沒錯 No. Yep.
- 她不會對你有興趣的，麥克 – 我知道 She is no longer interested, Michael. I know that.
我根本不應該跟她分手 I never should have broken up with her.
她有著像天使一樣的容貌，像天使般的身材 She's got the face of an angel, the body of an angel.
她就像是你想要上床的天使 She's like an angel that you really wanna have sex with.
嗯，我不想讓你生氣，不過她不是天使 Yeah, I wouldn't feel that bad. She's not really an angel.
不，她就是 Yeah, she is.
我要跟你說一些事，因為我想要讓你知道 I'm gonna tell you something because I want you to feel like
你可以完全放棄她 you can just really get over her.
好嗎？ Okay?
好吧 Okay.
艾娃在你跟她分手之前就跟安東尼在一起了 Ava was hooking up with Anthony before you broke up with her.
- 什麼？ - 她劈腿 What? She was cheating on you.
該死，該死 Damn it. Damn it.
嗯，至少她很保守 Well, at least she's super-uptight,
她不會讓他上到二壘 and she won't let anyone get past second base.
嗯，她其實對安東尼沒有這麼保守 Yeah, she wasn't that uptight with Anthony.
什麼，她跟安東尼上床了？ What, did she have sex with him?
我很遺憾 I'm sorry.
不，謝謝你告訴我 No, thanks for telling me.
他們還肛交 They also had anal sex.
什麼？ What?
不，我只是開玩笑的 No, I'm just kidding.
我只是想你聽到的話會高興一點 I just thought that would make you feel better about the regular-sex thing.
哇，那真的很有效 Wow, that actually kind of worked.
- 不客氣 - 好吧 You're welcome. Yeah.
我再也碰不別的女孩了，是嗎？ I'm never gonna touch another girl again, am I?
就是這樣，我太平庸了 Here we go. I am so mediocre.
你並不平庸 You're not that mediocre.
你會好起來 You're gonna be fine.
艾娃是我的朋友，我想 Ava's my friend, I think.
但是你們兩個在一起的時候 But even when you guys were going out,
我看不出來她有很認真跟你交往 I don't think she ever really appreciated what she had with you
並不像你值得更好的另一個人，我這麼認為 as much as someone who you deserve even better, I think.
謝謝你 Thank you.
我是認真的 I mean it.
你想要出去兜風嗎？ You wanna go for a drive?
好吧 Okay.
我真不敢相信我們去同一個地方 I can't believe we go to the same place.
什麼意思？我小時候開始就常常去那裡 What do you mean? I've been going there since I was a kid.
嗯，就像是男生都去理容院，女生都去美容院 Well, it's just boys go to barbers, and girls go to stylists.
真的嗎？ Really?
這就是理容院的意義 That's how barbering works.
我的頭髮看起來有這麼糟嗎？ Does my hair really look that bad?
不，看起來很棒 No! It looks great.
很有光澤，就像是馬的鬃毛 It's lustrous, like a horse's mane.
謝謝你， - 我說的是好的那種 Thanks. In a good way.
我只是不知道季凡尼有這種本領 I just didn't know that Giovanni had this ability.
他好像，100歲之類的 He's, like, 100 years old.
季凡尼是最好的，我很驕傲能夠成為他唯一的女顧客 Giovanni is the best, and I'm proud to be his only female client.
好嗎？現在，想像我們替季凡尼致敬 Okay? So, here. Imaginary cheers to Giovanni.
為季凡尼致敬 To Giovanni.
叮 Clink!
他在這裡 He's here.
什麼？ What?
- 你在做什麼？ - 你在做什麼？ What are you doing? What are you doing?
我在跟別人親熱，你還看不出來我們在做什麼嗎？ I'm making out with a dude. What does it look like I'm doing?
等等 Wait.
為什麼你要跟這個 Why do you have to do gay stuff
撞我車的人親熱？ with the asshole who hit my car?
他其實是個好人 He's actually a really good guy.
那天晚上我也很難過，我很抱歉 That was a really rough night for me. I'm sorry.
你在這裡跟我的前女友幹嘛？ And what are you doing here with my ex-girlfriend?
我也覺得有點奇怪 That's a little bit weird.
嗨 Hi.
- 嘿，我是格雷 - 我是安 Hey! I'm Greg. I'm Em.
這又沒什麼，我們只是在聊天 It's not a thing. We're just having a chit-chat here.
就像朋友一樣 Two friends talking.
這又沒甚麼大不了，況且你已經出櫃了 What's the big deal? And what does it even matter
你幹嘛在乎 if you're gay anyway?
呃，這還是有原則的 Um, it's the principle of it.
這就是你最近躲我的原因？ Is this why you've been avoiding me?
你一直跟這個同志屁股格雷玩在一起？ You've been hanging out a lot with gay-ass Greg?
也許不用提到「同志屁股格雷」，就是「同志格雷」就好 Maybe not "gay-ass Greg." Maybe just "gay Greg."
或是「格雷」 Or even "Greg."
是啊，老兄，事實上，我們已經在一起一陣子了 Yeah, dude. Actually, we have been hanging out quite a bit.
而且我要老實跟你說 And to be 100% honest,
你一直對我出櫃的事情都很奇怪 you've been so fucking weird about all this shit
所以我開始懷疑要不要繼續跟你出去 that I don't know if I wanna hang out with you 24/7 anymore.
聽著，老兄，你自己處理你的態度問題 Look, man. Deal with your own shit for once.
學著控制你自己的人生，然後不要專注在我這裡 Take control of your life and stop focusing so much on mine.
我很想念異性戀馬帝 I'm starting to miss straight Matty.
異性戀馬帝從來不會在我背後捅我一刀 Straight Matty never would have snuck around behind my back.
清醒一點，我從來都不是異性戀，我不需要你給我什麼難題，老兄 Wake up. I was never straight. I don't need this pressure from you, man.
我不需要在畢業舞會的時候找人上床或是什麼鬼 I don't need to get laid by prom or any of that shit.
那布朗尼呢？ What about the brownie?
我不想要吃你他媽的布朗尼 I don't wanna eat your shitty brownie.
你不要把我的布朗尼說成這樣 Don't talk about the brownie like that.
老兄，說實話，不要把布朗尼看的那麼重要 Bro, seriously, chill out about the brownie.
我不是超人，我不是蜘蛛人 I'm not Superman I'm not Spider-Man
我只是想要當最好的人 I'm just trying to be the best I can
讓我成為你的英雄 So let me be the hero for your heart
你是我的唯一 You're the only one for me
你讓我攀升，你讓我自由 You lift me up, you set me free
我不會離開讓你一個人承擔 I'd never leave you standing on your own
現在的記憶會成為永恆 Moments in Memory forever!
嗯？ Yeah?
我剛剛收到新的DVD We got a new DVD in the mail today.
電視台稱做「L」開頭的字 TV show called The L Word.
我想我們可以一起看 I thought maybe we could watch it together.
嗯，以後再說，我要去玩滑板 Yeah, maybe later. I'm gonna go skate right now.
我有些事情要想一下 I have some stuff to think about.
你想要說的時候讓我知道一下 Let me know if you ever wanna talk more.
或者是你不想說 Or if you wanna talk less.
我不想讓你感到壓力太大 I don't want to smother you.
你沒有， - 嗯，好吧 You're not. Well, good.
我知道人生有時候很複雜 I know life seems complicated sometimes.
但是如果你專注在某件事上 But I usually find it gets simpler
你會發現他會很簡單 if you just focus on the things
這通常可以讓你開心一點 that have always made you happy.
呦 Yo.
嗯 Yeah!
嘿，老兄， Hey, man!
謝謝你過來 Thanks for coming.
當然，老兄 Of course, man.
怎麼了？你怎麼想到要來這裡？ What's up? What made you think of coming here in the first place?
賽車，我們都喜歡賽車 – 沒錯 Go-karts. We love go-karts. True.
我發現你只要專注在某件 I always find that things get simpler
讓你開心的事，你就會發現事情其實很容易 if you just focus on things that have always made you happy.
喔，酷，酷 Oh. Cool, cool.
上次我們來這裡是什麼時候？ 6年前？ When was the last time we came here? Six years ago?
嗯，以前那個人都是怎麼說的？ Yeah. What did the guy used to say?
他總是把我們趕出去，然後說一句話 He used to kick us out, and then he used to say something.
「我有沒有說過不能撞車？不能撞車？」 "What did I tell you about bumping? No bumping, man!"
「如果你們再回來，我就報警」 "If you come back here, I'm gonna call the cops!"
還是他欸 It's the same guy.
喔，該死，我還以為他不會在這裡做了 Oh, fuck! You think he would have moved on by now.
你想他還記得我們嗎？ You think he remembers us?
不會吧，老兄，我們那時候才12歲 No way, dude. We were 12 when he last saw us.
嘿，兩位，謝謝 Hey. Two, please.
坐在那邊 Go sit in there.
我要先在那邊上行前課程 It's where I do the safety instruction seminar.
你們到底要如何 What exactly can you do
避免在賽車道上慘遭肢體破碎呢？ to avoid being brutally mutilated on the race track today?
這個開場可真恐怖 That's a dark way to start the session.
我看過很多人遭到撞擊斷腿 I've seen these things crush people's feet.
我看過有人的手指分離 I've seen them tear off people's fingers.
我看過有小女孩的頭髮被馬達纏住 I once saw a little girl get her hair stuck in the motor.
再見，頭皮 Bye-bye, scalp.
這些跟碰撞有關嗎？ Does it have to do with bumping?
不准碰撞 No bumping!
碰撞是通往受傷的唯一道路 Bumping is a one-way ticket to injury land USA.
而且如果車子沒有傷害你，我會 And if the karts don't injure you, I will.
我回過去打你一巴掌 I will come out there and punch you in the face
這樣你就不會傷害其他的車手 so you don't injure any of our other drivers.
因為我非常關心其他人 That's how much I care about the rest of you.
等等，等等，我想要搞清楚一件事 Wait, wait, wait. Let me get this straight.
我們到底能不能碰撞？ We should or we shouldn't bump?
看起來有人想要開玩笑 Looks like we got ourselves a comedian.
讓我問你，玩笑男，這個很好笑嗎？ Let me ask you this, Mr. Comedian. Is this hilarious?
是有點好笑 It's kind of funny.
賽車車禍，斯圖加特，德國，2007年 Go-kart accident! Stuttgart, Germany! 2007.
那看起來不像真的腿 It doesn't even look like a real leg.
這不是真的 It's not real.
這是我做的模型，因為那時候沒人拍照 It's a mock-up that I made because no one took photos that day.
有道裡 Makes sense.
碰撞一次，我就趕你出去 Bump once, I kick you the F out.
你碰撞兩次，會怎樣？ You bump twice, what happens?
這是陷阱題，因為你不可能碰撞兩次 Trick question. You can't bump twice,
因為你被我趕出去之後，你就永遠不能再進來 because if you bump once, I've already kicked your ass out.
然後你就只能在家一個人坐在你的沙發上 And you're at home sitting on your couch alone,
看著美食頻道，暗自希望你從來沒碰撞過 watching the Food Network, wishing you hadn't bumped.
嘿，把你的手放在方向盤上 Hey! Keep your hands on the wheel!
把你的腳放回去 Put your legs back in the kart!
這是最後一次警告 It's your last warning!
過來這裡 Get over here!
為什麼，你好，老朋友 Why, hello, old friend!
你今天下午想要碰撞一下嗎？ Would you like to partake in some light bumping this afternoon?
我會說我們絕對要碰一下 I would say that we should definitely do that.
好吧，我們開始撞吧 Okay, then we should bump!
我要從旁邊撞你 I'm gonna bump the shit out of you!
你死定了，老兄 You're dead, bro!
該死 Shit!
不准碰撞，不准碰撞 No bumping! No bumping!
我想起來你們兩個該死的傢伙，你們以前也是撞得很厲害 I remember you motherfuckers! You used to bump more than anyone!
我跟你們說過不准回來這裡，你們死定了 I told you never to come back here. You're dead!
該死 Fuck!
為什麼我們不跑到車子那裡去？ Why didn't we just run to our cars?
我不知道，我太慌張了 I don't know. I just panicked.
嗯，我也是 Yeah, me, too.
他超不爽的 – 對啊 He was fucking pissed! Yeah.
他比我以前看過還要不爽 He was more pissed than I've ever seen him before,
而且說了很多畫 and that's saying a lot.
我想我們未來十年都沒辦法再回來了 I don't think we can go back there for 10 years.
不可能 No way.
老兄，我很抱歉說過那些話 Dude, I'm sorry about saying all that stuff,
希望你是異性戀還有其他的 wishing you were straight and all that.
喔，沒關係，老兄，我也很抱歉我說你的布朗尼 Oh. It's okay, man. I'm sorry that I said your brownie was shitty.
喔，我知道你不是認真的，這很好 Oh, I know it's not. It's amazing.
沒錯 Yeah.
事實上還在冰箱裡面，順便說一下 It's actually still in the freezer by the way.
你覺得格雷就是那個人嗎？他可以當你的布朗尼弟兄 You think this Greg guy is the one? He could be your brownie guy.
嗯，我不知道 Man, I don't know.
你摸過他的胯下了嗎？ Have you touched his balls yet?
喔，拜託 Oh, come on.
幹嗎？你喜歡胯下，你就是跨下男 What? You like balls. You're a ball guy.
- 我從來沒這麼說過 - 那是你說的 I never said that. You said that.
你亂說的吧 I think you made that up actually.
好吧好吧，我承認是亂說的 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did do that.
那你呢？你的情況如何？ What about you, man? What have you got going on?
我？ Me?
事實上我心中有一個對象 I actually got someone I'm thinking about.
太好了 Nice!
你已經放棄安了，對吧？ You're over Em, right?
- 老兄… – 怎樣？ - Dude. - What?
你是認真的嗎？ Seriously?
怎樣？ 你真的要這樣嗎？ What, dude? You're seriously gonna do this?
你就算跟她分手了還是不肯放她走 You're gonna call dibs on her even after you've broken up with her,
就算你不喜歡她的性別？ and you're not into persons with her sexual organs?
不，我沒有說不放她走 No, I'm not calling dibs.
我只是覺得很奇怪，你跟我說這不奇怪 I feel like it's weird. Tell me it's not weird.
這一點都不奇怪，完全不奇怪 It's not weird. It's not weird.
- 我覺得有點奇怪 – 好吧 I think it's a little weird. All right.
我要走了，我應該跟格雷見個面 I'm gonna go. I'm supposed to meet up with Greg in a little bit.
不過我們玩得很開心 But this was super-fun.
很高興見到你，老天 – 很高興見到你 Good to see you, man. Great to see you, man.
如果我改要格雷的話呢？ What if I call dibs on Greg?
這一點道理也沒有 That makes no sense.
完全沒有，之後見，兄弟 No. I'll see you later, brother.
好 All right.
其實我也停在那邊 Actually, I'm parked over there, too.
嗯，真的是這樣 Yeah, that's happening.
所以她不是天使 So she's not an angel.
好吧，我們走 Okay, let's go.
好 Yep.
謝謝最近陪我度過這段難堪的時光 Thanks for hanging out with me and dealing with my shit recently.
很有趣 It's been fun.
嗯，對我來說也很有趣 Yeah, it's been fun for me, too.
為什麼這裡是唯一大家開車會想來的地方？ Why is this the only spot that people drive up to?
因為這裡是葛林愛倫 Because it's Glen Ellen.
這個廢棄的建築物 This abandoned construction lot
是鎮上唯一最浪漫的地點 is the most romantic place in town.
所以你帶我來是因為這裡很浪漫？ So you brought us here because it's romantic?
喔，是的，沒錯，沒錯 Oh, yes, I did. I did.
這些的漂亮的行動廁所和碎玻璃 Those beautiful porta-potties, and the broken glass,
還有用過的保險套都讓我很有感覺 and used condoms really just get me right in the mood.
很好 That's good.
等等，麥克，我要跟你說一件事 Wait, Michael, I need to tell you something.
什麼？ What?
馬帝跟我分手之後，我們曾經見過面 After Matty and I broke up, we hooked up one more time.
什麼時候？ When?
你們去完酒吧之後 After you guys went to that club.
而我們… And we...
我們上床了 We had sex.
什麼？ What?
嗯 Yeah.
你什麼？ You what?
嗯，我知道 Yeah, I know.
我喝醉了，我們那天晚上的情況都怪怪的 I was drunk, and we both had really weird nights.
- 這怎麼會發生？ - 就是這樣 How can that happen? It just did.
他是同性戀啊 He's gay. He's gay.
你不是世界上唯一一個 Well, you're not the only one in the world
感到困惑的人，麥克 with confused feelings, Michael.
我沒有困惑 I'm not confused.
但是我不會跟一個同性戀上床 I definitely wouldn't have sex with a gay guy.
好吧，你現在感覺很渾球 Okay, now, you're just being an asshole.
你才是渾球 You're an asshole.
我不想跟你在一起了 I can't do this.
麥克… Michael...
麥克！ Michael!
該死 Shit.
喔，嘿，麥克，喔，馬帝在家嗎？ Oh, hey, Michael. Oh, is Matty home?
是啊，他在，我們正要吃晚餐 Yeah, he sure is. We're just getting ready to sit down to dinner.
你要跟我們一起吃嗎？ You want to join us?
嗯，我願意 – 好吧 Yes, I would. Okay, great.
嗯，進來吧，你怎麼會過來？ Well, come on in. What have you got there?
有點私事 This is a private thing.
喔 Oh.
媽，這個肌肉太不可思議了 Mom, this chicken is incredible.
這個雞皮真的… This skin is so...
- 香脆？ - 就是香脆 Crispy? Crispy!
你說的對 You're damn right it is.
這就是Ronco牌烤爐的最大功用 That is the Ronco Showtime Rotisserie doing its thing.
這真是他媽的好吃 It's just fucking great.
辣斯，注意你的語氣，謝謝 Lars. Language, please.
喔，這是完美的一餐 Oh. This is a great meal.
因為有一個完美的禮物 And all because of a great gift.
你還好嗎？ Are you okay?
我恨你 I hate you.
我們要不要輪流說我們最喜歡這道餐的部分 Why don't we thank your mother by going around the table
來感謝你們的母親？ and saying what our favorite part of the meal is?
我先說 I'll go first.
這道雞肉 The chicken.
最棒的就是，雞皮 But more specifically, the skin.
我真想不到你會這樣說 How did I know you were going to say that?
辣斯？ 雞皮 Lars? Skin.
馬帝？ Matty?
嗯，雞皮 Yeah, skin.
小派？ Pat?
麥克？ Michael?
我最喜歡的部分就是馬帝上了一個女孩 My favorite part of this meal is how Matty fucked a girl!
麥克，注意你的用詞 Michael, language.
嗯，這不是那個問題的答案 Well, that's not really the answer to the question.
不過我有點好奇，這是真的嗎？馬帝？ I am kind of curious. Is that true, Matty?
我很抱歉，我可以跟麥克 I'm sorry. Can I please be excused
去其他房間談一下嗎？ to speak with Michael in the other room?
嗯，我們正在家庭晚餐呢 Well, we are having a family dinner.
讓他們去談一下吧 Why don't you let them talk it out?
杜恩，杜恩 Dwayne. Dwayne.
記得問他 Ask him.
老天，你是怎樣？ Dude, what the fuck?
你跟安上床了 You had sex with Em.
那又怎樣？ So what?
我很喜歡她 So I like her a lot.
- 她是我前女友 – 你是同性戀 She was my girlfriend. You're gay.
噓，小聲一點 Shh! Shut up!
你根本配不上她，你根本就不需要任何女孩 You don't deserve her. You don't deserve any girl.
你為什麼要這麼做？ Why did you do that?
為什麼你來我家？你到底來這裡幹嘛？ Why are you even at my house? What the fuck are you doing here?
你是同性戀 You're gay.
我要你等一下都閉嘴 I need you to shut up for the rest of dinner.
拜託你可以嗎？ Can you please just do that for me?
什麼？你不喜歡那個電影？我不敢相信 What? You don't like that movie? I don't believe it.
你結婚以後，我要教你… When you're married, I'll let you know what that...
嗨，馬帝，歡迎回來 Hi, Matty. Welcome back.
好吧，孩子們 Okay, boys.
終於可以繼續吃晚餐，你們兩個有什麼問題？ Family meal. Anything going on with you two?
嗯，事實上很多， Yeah, a lot, actually.
今天在PacSun(服飾店)很瘋狂 Today was a crazy day at PacSun.
我們有很多新貨進來 We got these huge new shipments in.
我試穿一大堆短褲 I had tons and tons of board shorts.
我換了很多不同的造型，然後我跟羅莉說 So I took a look at the different styles, and I said to Laurie,
我說「羅莉，我今天要把這些短褲都賣出去」 I said, "Laurie, I will sell all of these lace-up board shorts today.
「不用一個星期，今天就賣完」 "Not this week, today."
然後她說「是喔，辣斯，不可能」 And she was like, "Yeah, right, Lars! No way."
到了今天晚上，你猜猜看，發生什麼事？ And by the end of the day, get this, Dad. What are you doing?
- 我恨你 – 不要鬧了 I hate you. Stop!
我賣完了全部的短褲和一些其他褲子 I sold all of the lace-ups and some of the non-lace-ups.
所以我就對她說「去你的，羅莉」 So I was like, "Suck it, Laurie!"
- 這太棒了 – 做的好，兒子 - That's fantastic. - Great work, son.
非常有野心，就像你爸一樣 Very ambitious, just like your dad.
我有一些其他事要跟你們說 I got something else that I really want to share with you guys.
首先，我想要謝謝你們在這段旅途上收留我 First off, I wanna thank you for keeping me so humble on this journey.
我知道這段時間很難過，但是有些 I know it's been tough, but something
不可思議的事情真的發生在我身上 really great happened to me today.
你是同性戀 You're gay.
你是渾蛋 You are an asshole.
我剛剛知道我的樂團要在畢業舞會上演出了！！ I just found out my band, we're playing the prom!
馬帝是同性戀 Matty's gay!
這太棒了，恭喜你 That's great! Congratulations!
- 爸爸 - 等等 Daddy. Wait.
你剛剛說什麼？ - 他沒說 What did you say? Nothing.
- 馬帝是同性戀 – 閉上你的鳥嘴，麥克 Matty's gay. Shut the fuck up, Michael.
- 注意用詞 – 他剛剛說什麼？ Language. What is he talking about?
馬帝是同性戀，你們有一個同性戀的兒子 Matty's a gay guy. You have a gay son.
- 注意用詞 - 同性戀不是髒話 Language. Gay is not a bad word.
這可能需要討論 It's debatable.
好吧，有沒有人能夠閉嘴，到底是怎麼回事？ All right, everyone just cut the bullshit! What is going on?
今天是我音樂生涯重要的里程碑，爸，就是這樣 It's a milestone in my musical career, Dad, is what's going on!
馬修… Matthew...
馬帝，這是真的嗎？ Matty, is this true?
不是 No!
- 馬修，回答你媽的問題， - 我說不是 Matthew, answer your mother. I said no!
他不是同性戀 He's not gay.
不 No.
好吧，你要不要先回到 All right, why don't you excuse yourself
你的房間，我們在那邊談一下 to your room, and I will meet you there.
麥克，晚餐結束了 Michael, this dinner is over right now.
好吧 Fine.
- 真的？ - 你聽到我說的 - Seriously? - You heard me.
這一定會很棒 It's gonna be awesome.
我知道這是畢業舞會，但是我想我可以讓你們兩個進去 I know it's a prom, but I think I can get you two in.
你在馬帝的父母面前說他是同性戀？ 等 Did you out Matty to his parents?
等等 Hold on.
你真的跟他們說他是同性戀？ Did you tell them that he's gay?
這很複雜 It's complicated.
你有想過這對他來說很重要嗎？ Did you think for a second about what that meant to him?
聽我解釋 Let me explain!
你知道他現在怎麼樣了嗎？ Do you have any idea what's happening to him right now?
等等 Wait!
他是你最好的朋友，麥克 He was your best friend, Michael!
你最好的朋友 Your best friend!
你真的是壞透了 You are a terrible person.
喔 Oh!
該死，老兄 Damn, dude!
這看起來不錯，對吧？ This looks good, right?
這很完美 It is perfect.
我想我們可以買下來了 I think we're good to go.
酷 Cool.
我知道這不關我的事 This is totally not my business,
但是我以為你很喜歡那個人 but I thought you really liked that guy.
嗯，只是我不能再這樣下去 Yeah, I just can't do that anymore.
你是指他還是… Him specifically or...
全部的事 Just all of it.
馬修，我們找到最完美的袖扣 Matthew, we found the most darling cufflinks.
就像小豬一樣 They're little pigs.
我為什麼要小豬，媽 Why would I want those, Mom?
我很抱歉，我拿錯外套給你了，我再去拿正確的 I'm sorry. I gave you the wrong jacket. Let me get you the right one.
喔，脫下來吧，這小兩號，小傻瓜 Oh. Get this off. It's two sizes too small. Silly.
很好 There we go.
喔 Oh.
沒錯，沒錯 Yes, yes, yes.
現在你看起來很美味 Now you look good enough to eat.
嗯，非常帥 Yes. Very handsome.
喔，馬修，這讓我想到你爸跟我去畢業舞會的時候 Oh. Matthew, this reminds me of your dad when we went to our prom.
你跟你的先生一起參加高中舞會，現在還在一起？ You went to the prom with your husband, and you're still together?
是啊，32年了 We sure are. 32 years.
恭喜 Congratulations!
我希望我也可以說這樣的話，但是老玲達還沒被套牢 I wish I could say the same, but old Linda is still playing the field.
喔，沒關係，單身也很有趣，活在當下 Oh. That's okay. It's fun being single. Live it up!
喔，32年欸，哇，也許你可以教我一些訣竅 Oh. Thirty-two years. Wow. Maybe you can give me some advice.
我跟一個哥倫比亞人約會，我們沒什麼共通點 I'm dating a Colombian man. We have very little in common.
我們甚至不太了解彼此，但是做愛真的很爽 We hardly understand each other, but the sex is really amazing.
他只願意在星期二跟我見面，這是怎麼回事？ He's only willing to see me on Tuesdays. Now, what is that about?
也許是文化差異 Might be a cultural thing.
然後有一個叫金恩的，金恩很聰明 Then there's Gene. Gene's very bright.
他有皮膚上的毛病，但是他說到的事不會不做 He's got a skin condition, but that's not a deal-breaker for me.
但是性愛很糟糕，喔，我該怎麼辦 And the sex is ridiculous! Oh. What do I do?
高中畢業舞會，我們希望衣服可以合身一點 High school prom, we're getting fitted for.
還有克勞德 Then there's Claude.
他有167公分，他有自己的帆船，他還是我的郵差 He's 5'6", he owns a sailboat, and he's my mailman.
但是性愛真的太棒了 The sex is amazing!
不過只有在帆船上的時候 But only on the sailboat.
他在掌舵 When it's rocky.
但是我覺得克勞德有點懶惰 But I think that's because Claude is a little lazy.
我該怎麼辦？ What do I do?
我不確定我們現在適不適合談這些 I'm not even really sure what we're talking about at this point.
你開玩笑嗎，感情很困難，很複雜 You're not kidding. Relationships are hard. They are complicated.
雖然你兩個孩子看起來都沒問題，對吧？ Although, you two kids seem to have it figured out, right?
你們看起來很適合 You look so cute together.
是的，沒錯，我們的確都沒問題 Yes, we do. We got it all figured out.
喔，嗯，你好 Ooh. Well, hello!
我得幫那個帥哥，祝我好運 Gotta go help this hot number. Wish me luck.
歡迎 Welcome!
她還真是充滿電力 She is a live wire.
不過她說的對 But she's right.
你們兩個的確看起來很合適 You two kids make the most adorable couple.
馬修，看看你 Matthew, look at you!
你要跟最漂亮的女孩參加畢業舞會 You're going to the prom with the most beautiful girl.
是的，漂亮的女孩，畢業舞會，我們要一起去 Yes. Beautiful girl, prom. We're doing it.
耶 Yay.
我得要去洗手間 I have to go to the bathroom.
馬修，你有問題嗎？ Matthew, is anything the matter?
沒有 No.
好吧 Okay.
嗯，你知道你永遠都可以找我聊，知道嗎？ Well, you know that you can always come to me to talk, right?
什麼事，什麼事都可以 About anything, anything at all.
是啊 Yeah.
儘管說，好嗎？ You tell me. Okay?
沒有問題的，媽 Everything's great, Mom.
麥克，我不想要跟你講怎麼過日子 Michael, I don't want to tell you how to live your life,
但是現在是下午四點 but it's 4:00 p.m.
你這幾天除了上學都沒有出門 You haven't left the house, except to go to school, for days.
好吧 Okay.
現在我不想要聽到否定的答案，先生 This time I'm not taking no for an answer, mister.
起來 Sit up.
你看著我，然後跟我說 You look at me, and you talk to me now.
怎麼回事？ What's wrong?
只是…為什麼事情不能保持不變呢？ It's just... Why can't things stay the same?
你還記得你媽跟我分手的時候嗎？ Do you remember when your mom and I split up?
嗯 Yeah.
發生什麼事？ What happened?
你哭了然後蓋了很多鳥巢 You cried and built a lot of birdhouses.
然後呢？ And then what happened?
你帶我去迪士尼樂園兩個星期 You took me to Disney World for two weeks,
雖然我覺得太久了 and even I thought it was too long.
然後呢？ And then what happened?
你重新跟媽成為朋友 You became friends with Mom again.
你覺得我們為什麼做的到？ And why do you think we did that?
- 為了我？ - 不是 - For me? - No.
我們做的到是因為我們彼此深愛對方 We did it because we loved each other very much,
而這是很少見的 and that's a rare thing.
歷史是很有力量的東西，麥克 History is a powerful thing, Michael.
家也是很有力量的東西 Home is a powerful thing.
不要再睡到下午四點 No more sleeping until 4:00.
- 怎麼了，長腿叔叔？ - 你怎麼在這裡？ What's up, Daddy Longlegs? What are you doing here?
我只是需要喝一杯，我知道這地方會讓我進來 I just needed a drink, and I knew this place would let me in.
我聽到了 I hear that.
你在哭嗎？ Are you crying, man?
沒有， No, dude.
我只是想封閉 I'm close.
你跟馬帝如何？ How are things with you and Matty?
馬帝最近都沒有接我的電話 Matty is not answering my calls as of late.
什麼？為什麼？ What? Why?
我是說，我可以了解 I mean, I get it.
出櫃以後持續保持這樣很不容易 It's not easy to come out of the closet and then stay there.
我在高中的時候出櫃 When I came out in high school,
我最好的朋友，他基本上不理我了 my best friend, he basically disowned me.
他是個水球運動員 And he was a water polo player.
那是最同性戀的運動，那些人都在屁眼上塗一層蠟 It's the faggiest sport there is. Those guys wax their assholes.
我出櫃以後，我的好朋友就不跟我一起喝飲料 When I came out, my best friend stopped sharing sodas with me,
不再載我去學校，把我從FB上面剔除朋友 stopped giving me rides to school, de-friended me on Facebook,
之後搬到德國 and then moved to Germany.
他宣稱搬家這件事跟我出櫃無關 The moving part was unrelated to me coming out, he claims.
我不想當那種人，但是我最近的表現很渾球 I don't want to be one of those guys. I've been just a huge jerk.
你跟馬帝談過了嗎？ Have you talked to Matty about it?
我很想，但是他不跟我說話 I've tried to. He won't talk to me.
也許你需要試著強硬一點 Maybe you need to try a little bit harder.
也許你需要找到他 Maybe you need to find out where he's gonna be,
你要把他逼到牆角，讓他聽你想說的話 you need to corner him, and make him hear what you have to say.
蹦 Boom.
嗯，就是這樣 So, this is it.
這就是畢業舞會 This is it, prom.
嗚 Whoo!
你們兩個可以再靠近一點嗎？ Could you guys get a little closer together?
喔 Oh.
更靠近一點 Closer.
靠近一點 Closer.
- 真的嗎？ - 好吧 Really? Okay.
完美 Perfect.
嗯 Okay.
到目前為止還不錯 So far, so good.
真的嗎？ - 嗯 Really? Yeah.
嘿，馬帝 Hey, Matty.
你們以為你們在幹嘛？ What do you think you're doing?
老兄 Dude.
哇 Whoa!
麥克，你帶了大鬍子的男人到畢業舞會 Michael, did you bring a bearded dude to prom,
還是我現在瘋了嗎？ or am I just ripped out of my fucking mind right now?
都有 Both.
這是格雷 – 嗨 This is Greg. Hi.
敬你一杯，老兄 Cheers, buddy.
我要閃耀光芒直到你的靈魂深處感受到 Gonna shine my light Till you feel it in your soul
耶 Yeah
我不是超人，我不是蜘蛛人 I'm not Superman I'm not Spider-Man
我只想要當最好的人 I'm just trying to do the best I can
讓我成為你的英雄 So let me be the hero for your heart
你還好嗎？ - 不 You okay? No.
- 很緊張嗎？ - 沒錯 You nervous? Yes.
這沒問題的 It's okay.
我覺得快要拉出來了 I'm gonna shit myself.
不，你不會拉出來，你看起來很好，你做的到 No, you're not gonna shit yourself. You look good. You can do it.
上吧，來吧，上上上 Go. Come on. Go, go, go.
嘿，辣斯，辣斯 Hey, Lars. Lars.
我有點重要的事情要做，只要給我五分鐘 I gotta do something important right now. It will take five minutes.
不行，麥克，我們正在演唱，這是我們的時刻 No can do, Mikey. We're destroying it. This is our moment.
老兄，我知道，拜託 Dude, I know. Please.
- 給我滾下台， - 對啊 Get the fuck off the stage. Yeah.
嘿，喇叭嘴，你們給我滾下來，或是我強制讓你們結束 Hey, potty mouth. You get off the stage, or I'm cutting the power off.
該死，是校長 Shit, it's the principal.
快下台 Go.
不要破壞我們製造的氣氛 Don't kill our momentum, bro.
感恩 Thanks.
嘿，各位 Hey, everybody.
我很抱歉中斷你們的舞會 I'm sorry to interrupt your prom.
我只是想要唱一首歌 I just wanted to sing a song,
如果你們不介意的話 if you don't mind.
這首歌跟處理改變有關 The song is about dealing with change,
剛好是我不擅長的部份 which I am not very good at.
呃… Um...
我過去幾個月來做了很多蠢事 I've done a lot of stupid things the last couple of months,
我想我學到很多，可以處理這一切 and, I think I'm learning to be better at it.
開始吧 So here we go.
我出生的時候，我有一千條腿 When I was born, I had 1,000 legs
很快我在不同舞台跳舞 Soon I'll be dancing on a different stage
我要在絲繭裡睡覺 I'll go to sleep inside a silk cocoon
在下午重新誕生 And be reborn into the afternoon
我有了翅膀，我要飛向太陽 When I have wings, I'll fly into the sun
飛在空中，我是唯一 Up in the sky, I'll be the only one
在內心深處，我知道我得要往前邁進 Deep down, I know I have to turn the page
但是我在想 But I wonder
我會懷念我的腿嗎？ Will I miss my legs?
同性戀 Gay!
你是指我還是指這首歌 Were you talking about me or the song?
你 You!
好吧，很好，事實上 Okay. Good, actually.
因為這關係到別件事 Because that ties into something else
我想要說我站在這裡 I wanted to mention while I'm up here,
雖然我不是同性戀，我是異性戀 that even though I'm not gay, I'm a straight man,
我今晚帶了個男人到這裡，一個很酷的男人 I brought a guy to prom tonight, a really cool guy.
我這麼做是因為 I did that because
我想說的是不管你帶誰來都無所謂 it shouldn't matter who you bring to prom.
你也不應該在乎你喜歡上誰 And it shouldn't matter who you're attracted to in life
或是你愛上誰 or who you fall in love with.
就帶上你想要帶的人到畢業舞會 Just bring whoever you want to prom.
而說到同性戀 And as for the gay thing,
同性戀也只是喜好不同的普通人 gay people are just people who have sex a little bit differently.
我確定這聽起來還是很好 And I'm sure that it still feels amazing.
所以，嗯，儘管稱呼我同性戀，我不在乎，也不會讓我困擾 So, yeah, call me gay. I don't care. Doesn't bother me one bit.
同性戀 Gay!
好吧，嗯，我想要說的就是這樣， Okay. Well, I got through to you then, I guess.
謝謝你們的聆聽，繼續享受你們的舞會 So thank you guys for listening. Enjoy your prom.
你相當有種，就像是大金剛一樣的有種 That took big, King Kong-sized donkey balls.
謝謝，謝謝你 Thanks. Thank you.
嘿，老兄，你真的確定你不是同性戀？ Hey, man, are you sure you're not gay?
嗯，我很確定 Yeah, pretty sure.
因為今晚過後會有很多人認為你是同性戀 Because a lot of people are going to think you're gay after tonight.
我知道，這沒關係 I know. It's okay.
噢，老天，我才一秒沒盯著她 Aw, man, I let her out of my sight for one second.
快看，愛娃出現了，她一定會很生氣 Check it out. Here comes Ava. She's gonna be so pissed!
- 喔 – 哇 - Oh. - Wow.
喔 Oh!
那個女的真瘋狂 That girl is a freak.
我需要一點新鮮空氣 I need some air.
嘿 Hey.
我喜歡你剛剛說的話 I liked what you said up there.
那沒有用，什麼都沒有改變 It's not enough. It doesn't make up for everything.
至少是個開始 It's a start.
我知道我剛剛表現的很奇怪 I know I was super-weird in there earlier.
但是我真的很高興見到你 But I'm really glad to see you here.
我也很高興見到你 It's good to see you, too.
雖然這是畢業舞會，因為這裡很恐怖 Even if it is at a prom, because they are terrible.
畢業舞會就像是個五百個愚蠢青少年的巨大婚禮 A prom is like one gigantic, shitty wedding between 500 idiotic teenagers.
是啊，很糟 Yeah, it's bad.
馬帝出櫃之後我們談的那一天 That first day when we were talking about Matty coming out,
我想我應該給他一個上面寫著「你是同性戀」的蛋糕 I should have gotten him that cake that said "you're gay."
這會比我做的一切蠢事情都來的好 It would have been better than all the stupid stuff I did.
現在還有時間 There's still time.
轉角有個蛋糕店 There's a bakery right around the corner
可以訂做個道歉蛋糕 that specializes in gay apology cakes.
- 真的嗎？在哪裡？ 開玩笑的 Really? Where is it? Just kidding.
我知道你在騙我，你一直都在騙我 I know you're fucking with me this time. Always fucking with me.
我很抱歉我沒有打電話給你 And I'm sorry that I stopped calling you.
我很抱歉對你發脾氣 I'm really sorry for freaking out on you.
不用道歉 Don't be sorry.
如果還有什麼需要幫忙的，儘管讓我知道 And if there's anything that I can do to help, you let me know.
你已經這麼做了 You're doing it right now.
你想我們還可以一起出去玩嗎？ Do you think you and I could ever hang out again?
嗯，我想可以 Yeah, I'd like that.
事實上，我今晚還有一件事情要做 Actually, I have to go do one more thing tonight.
在我們和好之前我還有一件事情要做 There's something I need to do before this whole thing gets wrapped up.
祝你好運 Good luck.
上吧 Go.
呦，你現在就要走了嗎？ Yo. Are you leaving already?
不，我要拿這個東西給你 No, I was just gonna grab this and then find you.
你帶了布朗尼到畢業舞會？ You brought the brownie to prom?
我隨身帶著，就像我的寶貝一樣 I bring it everywhere. It's like my baby.
我很抱歉之前所做的一切 I'm sorry about all the stuff I did.
我今晚帶這個過來 I actually brought this here tonight
是因為我想要你跟我一起吃 because I want you and I to get rid of this together.
這個布朗尼象徵過去的我 This brownie represents the old me
害怕事情不再是一成不變 who was just afraid things wouldn't stay the same,
害怕我們不再是同樣的朋友 and that we wouldn't be the same kind of friends anymore.
我知道這很蠢，但這是我感覺到的 I know it's stupid, but that's how it felt.
所以你跟我需要再今晚一起解決它 So, you and I need to destroy this thing tonight.
才不要 Fuck, no!
什麼？ What?
這個布朗尼很漂亮 This brownie is fucking beautiful.
而你今晚在台上所說的，老兄，這太棒了 And what you said tonight on stage, dude, that was so awesome.
我想我要跟我的父母出櫃 I think I'm going to come out to my parents.
- 真的嗎？ - 對啊 Really? Yeah.
我是說，我想不會有問題 I mean, I think it's gonna be all right.
這太棒了，老兄 That is great, man.
嗯，我們現在要一起吃嗎？ So, are we gonna eat this thing or what?
現在？ Right now?
對啊，這很棒，看看這些充滿藝術的老二 Yeah, it's amazing. Look at the artistry on all these dicks.
你在上面下了不少功夫 You frosted veins on this one's shaft.
嗯，我在擠花袋上放個一個特殊的噴嘴 Well, I used a pastry bag with a special nozzle.
你看看這個，陰毛非常漂亮 And this one over here, the pubes are gorgeous.
我希望可以吃下這些陰毛 I want to put the pubes in my mouth.
你喜歡陰毛 You love pubes?
你說的對，我愛死陰毛了 You're goddamn right, I love pubes!
酷 Cool.
我愛這個布朗尼，我愛你 I love this brownie, and I love you.
這跟同性戀無關 In a totally non-gay way.
我也愛你，跟同性戀無關 I love you, too, non-gay.
我們一起開吧 Let's bring it in.
喔，老天， - 跟同性戀無關 Oh, man! Non-gay!
- 完全跟同性戀無關 – 一點興趣也沒有 Extremely non-gay. Not interested at all.
你在幹嘛？ What are you doing?
我要把你抱起來 I'm picking you up!
放我下去 Put me down!
- 不要打我 – 我很敏感 Don't punch me, man. I'm sensitive.
嘿 Hey.
- 這就是傳說中的布朗呢？ - 這東西放多久了？ Is this the famous brownie? How old is this thing?
很久了，但是我一直放在冰箱裡，所以可以吃 Super-old. But I kept it in the freezer, so it's cool.
我有在上面倒過一點啤酒還有我還在上面哭過 And I only poured beer on it a couple of times, and I cried on it once.
很酷 That's cool.
這夠四個人吃嗎？ Is there enough for four?
喔，我的天啊，我太興奮了 Oh, my God, I'm so high!
我們現在要幹嘛？ What should we do now?
我是說，我們現在可不能回到畢業舞會 I mean, we cannot go back into prom like this.
現在這種形況下只能去一個地方 There's only one place you can go when you're this high.
我愛泡泡 I love foam!
這真的是我最棒的一晚 This is the best night of my life!